I finally had time to do up another blogskin during the holidays because I kind of got sick of the slightly more than pixelated wedding scene and the song starts to get on my nerve to the point I had to pause it whenever I tried to see how my post look on the real thing. I think my new blogskin is a bit weird (or more than a little) because it seems rather disconnected/disjoint whatever. The arrows were supposed to kind of show my incoherent thoughts at night because of the what doesn't really seem like a moon there. There's this red brush that looks like love on wings kind of thing and the rest were like music and lyrics. I guess those were the more common stuff I do at night staying online, my train of thoughts etc. I guess it suits my blog because most of my posts are written at night. I think blogs should express who you really are instead of trying to make it look nice. That's me I guess. But the coding was mainly copied from the old skin with some major cutting off of people's code for the block quote thing. It was kind of crazy to put everything together in one day and that's how I ended up sleeping at 1am with MRC camp waiting for me the next day.

MRC camp is the bomb.

It can be summarised in first hand experience at teaching, massive being still for an hour straight, epic MRC song (live) performance, instant noodles @ 12am, 1am train of thoughts, htht♥ till 4am, epic fail at slicing wires, keep bleeding love, super neat coils by Michael and dam fail answers during debrief.

Non-stop teaching makes me realize that I'm not suitable to be a teacher because I run out of breath easily. Seriously, I don't know what I'm going to be in the future, like what am I going to do. Even though I once had an ambition but it doesn't seem that it should be the path I should take.

During night games I was staring at this star until it moved out of my sight, then I started thinking about stuff, like how I should be getting over some stuff and honestly nothing will happen and we just don't fit. Been listening to a whole album of Anberlin songs and even after like 20 songs went by I still didn't see anyone sigh. And seriously their songs are good when you're in the mood to sit and just emo about stuff.

Like..


Like sigh, why every subtle thing screams your name.
And when I was younger, I never like any songs with drums. Somehow, coming to this school makes me appreciate drums more. Maybe it's because we learn slightly more and it's after all not just an noise inducing instrument.

1am highness thanks to instant noodles leads to htht/bitchings/anxiety/helplessness/analysis till 4am.

I wish tonight never end.
You know that will never happen.

Sometimes I wish I could break the hands of time.

FOR was well epic fail at trying to make the connector for the amp, but ended up slicing myself with the scissors going right through my flesh. And I think bleeding love is apt, but is not a that nice song even though it's catchy. Because the feeling of keep bleeding is just horrible. It feels weird having blood keep flowing out under the tap.

I think generally people should stop being nice to me because somehow at the end I'm such a horrible person that I don't deserve such treatment. People treat you nicely but sometimes, you don't know how to reciprocate it and ends up making it worse. I don't know how to further elaborate on this.

That was camp for me at least.

I'm starting to hate my parents. They don't seem to understand what I'm facing, in my life or even in school. I don't know how to put certain points across in fear that I might just get shot down like this. But face it everyone knows that no matter how much you hate your parents, you know you'll miss them when they are gone.

Yesterday, finally had time to go out. We went to dwee's house for mahjong and subsequently went to Sakae to satisfy my cravings for sushi :D But I guess soon after we swore we'd never touch sushi for another month at least I guess. Hahaha, oh yes if the chips that we won in mahjong is converted into cash, I think I could have gotten a free cup of green tea at Sakae :D And rounded food pyramid HAHAHAHAH. Many many more jokes! Shucks, I'm starting to miss them when school is starting real soon and everyone's gonna be busy all over again.

I realized it's very hard to have a close friendship between members of the opposite sex because you don't know when is the distinct line to stop. There just isn't indicators to tell one when to stop having concern for the other and because of this often it goes... out of control. I cannot afford to well.. let the same thing happen to me again I guess.

We can’t waste too much time missing something or someone from the past. We accept that life’s never constant; things change and people grow apart. Yet we can’t stop thinking about how good it used to be; afraid that we’d never experience it again, afraid that we’ve already lived it and lost it.

No, I'm not missing anything from the past.

But I'm missing something from the present. I walked by and realized that familiar smell and the slight turn of the head, thinking that the comforting shadow was around. But I was wrong. And here comes the same kind of feeling you thought you'd long lost and forgotten, reflected upon another rather than the person of the past.

Labels: MRC, Outing, Thoughts

Haven't been writing anything here for ages. Anyway i was thinking whether i should abandon this place since most of the time when i'm here i'm just writing some nonsensical stuff that doesn't well make sense to even myself, sadly. Promos are over. Like finally. The days when mugging till late nights are over. At least for a moment like this. I have no idea what am i thinking when i was trying to finish the papers. Going emotional while writing an analysis on my Lit poem and subsequently getting Barry reading my script, then the same too while trying to write up a cliche story for my Zuo Wen, which subsequently got stared at by my chinese teacher too. Gawwd, just what am i doing trying to screw up my nights of efforts (not that i put in any effort for lit and chinese anyway). And then felt like crying in the middle of the screwed up Chem paper, just cause i knew i could have done everything without the presence of any time limit. Lost about 30 marks for maths, my best bet's the method marks already. Basically promos can be summed up as messed up at the wrong time, thinking about the wrong things at the wrong time. Everything's just wrong.

Now, i'm trying to not feel empty. Even despite the fact that i have a game to play, but my heart still feel empty. Sometimes i really wish i'd matter more, more of everything. But often i'm being drowned out by this refusal of being accepted. So what is it that i really want? I long for this closeness. But is this what i am able to get? Even so, at the end of it all it won't mean anything unless of course this closeness further develops into something. The things that i long for are often hard to get, but yet there aren't much such things that i need. Just that little bit perhaps, or actually more. I want more, i'm willing to work for it, but is this what i'm able to get? After all, it's not up to me to decide at all isn't it? After all, i'm in no position to even say what i want, because i'm just a nobody perhaps.

Sometimes i think, i look, i look and i think. Then i realised i'm thinking what i'm looking at. At that very moment, i'm actually looking into what i'm thinking. And this cycles continues, not knowing what has even taken place, i just. break. apart.

And i try to pick myself up, realising no one will stop to even look at me. And it continues to rain-outside, in my head, in my heart. And everything seemed so slow, because i've no idea what i'm thinking or trying to do to even feel something.

I feel like going to school tomorrow to just sit and not doing anything, letting the busyness of the school diffuse into me and thus let these thoughts diffuse out. Or maybe even going to JP alone just walking around aimlessly. Maybe i need someone, to just fill my heart. And hopefully that person is able to.

If you were here.

Labels: Exams, Thoughts

Last week at this point in time, i'm actually at MRC camp. Probably undergoing tests upon tests, like practical and theories. It's like a science subject, i just realised hahah ;x Oh wells, no comments about the tests >.<" Idk, my back has been hurting even before the start of the camp and i think that's the root cause of my insomnia.)): The 3 days was truly tiring, but yeah and disappointing in a sense. At least for people who expected and demanded more from me, sorry ): Sometimes, it's not like i don't wanna say anything, but it's like cause i've really got nothing to say, i mean it's correct so what's there to say. Well, at least the night walk was interesting.. Leona kept pulling me back at every single "supposingly scary parts", so at first i didn't see anything till she pulled me back hahahah. Nights walks are exciting with people who are really scared :D She kept tugging at my sleeves till my shoulder was showing-.-" And i felt like a guide dog hahaha.

"Fun"-o-rama set up on the 2nd day. Idk why Zhong Xian knew my name. Like we never even talked. Or at least when he tried to talk to me, i didn't even reply :x Joel's 2nd lesson to smiling LOL. Sigh just laying the speakon cables took up most of our time. Flying it across the rooftop :o Joel was like complaining about my excess cables getting entangled, end up it was actually his cable that got entangled-_-" Joke ttm hahahha. And Nicholas was telling us, ok more of me, the little little tips along the way :D And i almost died when i threw the cables down the building LOL, i was actually holding on to it somehow.. And it almost dragged me down to hell literally. Somehow, at that moment, i felt like turning into Spiderman and start climbing buildings because i really felt like screaming my heart out on the rooftop>_> Joel was like scolding all the 4 letter words when things just didn't go the way as expected.

And this is quoted

Can work can already! Dunnid care so much..

It's actually quite true haha, it need not be THAT neat, it need not be perfect, so long as it served it's purpose.

The night was young, so i guess MRC j1s have every other reason to stay awake, considering we always do that even on normal school days. As least from what i see.. YL actually asked us to sleep early, but somehow i didn't find the day that draining, so i guessed something was wrong already at that point in time. So it was just observing the silent night whilist watching the SC J1s getting tortured. It's kinda of expected with what my OGL said during orientation... But i didn't expect it to go beyond inhumanity.>_> And we actually bought drinks when the SC ppl was getting tortured. So it was Macs for supper. And off to sleep at around 1am+. The guys all knocked out but the girls, from what i heard, they were tossing around until an hour later before they fell asleep. And so we were rudely awoken up by our seniors at 4am. Felt like shit. We were asked to set up chapel in under 4 minutes and pack up in 3. From what i recalled, our record for setting up chapel was at least 15minutes or so. So it's called try again until we finally got it which is 5 hours later..-_-" Pack up was disappointing. I was drenched.. by my own sweat.. And it just drips all over the place till i couldn't be bothered with it anymore. Laying cables is so not my kind of specialty, I take a long time to lay cables>_> Like seriously. I think the problem with us is that when one person tries his/her best, the rest may not be trying his/her best cause we're all tired and i'm actually guilty of that :x So yeah, it's only when everyone are trying at their best, then we could achieve the best timing possible. The problem actually doesn't lie in the plan, it lies within us.

Frankly, the only reason why i stayed on in MRC (which is definitely one that needs much more commitment) rather than SGC is cause of the people, mainly the j2s and some of my batchmates. Time is never in our hands, a month more before they step down and i don't exactly see the reason to keep me committed anymore, but i hope i can still do so.. My heart is getting colder as the minute passes.. I really give up trying sometimes, cause i don't know what else i can do..

After break camp, i tried to go sugar high to keep me going for the day by buying a cup of bubble tea. But it failed me, i fell asleep straight away after i finished the whole cup of bubble tea XD So i guess i missed my uncle's birthday celebration... )): Ended up i slept for 19/20 hours, almost knocked out for the whole day.. D: When i'm tired i really can't do much.. My body just can't take it. Or maybe if i do, i'll just overwork myself and end myself up in some serious fatigue.. Sometimes, i think i'm too slack, sometimes i think i really pushed myself too hard.. I think i just need to maintain at such a level that i can manage..

Sometimes, i feel like i'm being stalked, being watched, like every single word that i type here.. Somehow, someone will interpret it such a way that it will set rumours spreading whether whatever i said here was intentional or not. I'm quite tired of this actually, people not realising what i actually undergo, and what is happening around me )): And i'm feeling pissed and angry at myself somehow, i don't know why, i'm not even supposed to feel this way... Ironically, i think i'm already being named a stalker to some people..

Media is worrying as in the cca in my secondary school. Sections closed down, i hope my section is still standing strong, but according to the latest news i heard from my junior, it doesn't seem to be going as smoothly as it may seem. Teachers who truly cared abt the cca is actually leaving one after another. And the section is becoming more and more slack due to the new leadership. Sometimes, i really wish they'd come up with a session that i can go back and talk to them, especially our new beloved president. Seems like the last blasting that i made before i left the cca hasn't been impactful enough, then i guess it's time for another blasting to take place. I don't want my section to close down, after all it's our blood and sweat over the 4 years that it survived till today.. Staying up to late nights just before competitions, just in school, trying again and again after we've been failing like forever, it's come to this prestige for a reason, and i think they're ruining it. Is it me who didn't handover everything properly, or was it because of their incapability to lead the section, i don't know really. All i know is i kept putting the blame on myself, not knowing what more can i do for them. I need to go back soon. To screw some sense into some people.

I'm guessing you already kinda of give up reading at this point in time.

DCF @ macs ;x

Friday was outing with wq and wj. It was actually a random decision to go out. I don't know why, we always like plan it last minute and start complaining when things doesn't go well. But anyway, it was a whole load of random information LOL. We were supposed to get presents, but i guess we failed. Like totally.

Sunday was 'o' games. It's supposed to be some family day thing. So we gotta set up and stuff. It was a long day.. LOL, our seniors actually have weird,strange and "interesting" ideas for the MRC crew Tees 09/10 XD Ask me for them if you really wanna know ;x I almost couldn't control myself at certain points in time. It's like on the verge of exploding. Personally or for work. Both made me boil. Come to think of it, i'm actually very volatile depending on what is said. Acidic ttm. Though it's just a paragraph on the day, there's much to be unspoken of since this is getting all too public and personal.

Monday was outing with R and wq :D It's actually quite weird how three guys go out to erm.. catch a movie LOL. Anyway we went to catch "Ghost of the girlfriend's past". It was rather funny at certain parts, a joke totally. Frankily, guys are jerks sometimes. I don't know how i can explain this but it's quite evident in our society today. And i know this statement is making me look like a stereotype. And R mentioned guys normally liked chocolate ice cream?.. The only other person other than me whom he knew who eats Strawberry ice cream was J.. I was like shit,hahah. He said it's actually a stereotype that most guys should like chocolate ice creams, but anyway i guess i'm the exception. Or perhaps, partly the reason why i didn't eat the chocolate one was because i was coughing in the morning. YL also came along with her friend to watch ghost of gf's past!haha. But because we got the tickets later they're actually sitting 2 rows in front of us.. If not it would have been a total joke XD The movie was quite touching at the end and i guess definitely in one way or another set the 3 dumbfounded guys thinking about stuff.. Hmm, maybe it's just me but still it seems i'm actually not alone. Dinner was at kfc, and R looked totally funny with the straw in his mouth and his dramatic heartbroken sound. Piang.. hahaha. Though frankly, after he made that sound i went low totally. Somehow, when i looked at R's back he looks like a brother to me. It sets me thinking if only i had a brother like him. It's weird, i don't know why, it just suddenly came upon me, if i could go out with my brother like how i went out with him, i think my life would have been a more meaningful one. I used to dread having siblings last time, his actually the first person that made me wanna have a sibling like him. Truly. Madly. Deeply.

End off with a picture that i took recently:

When the sun sets
That's when you start thinking
That's when you start wishing
Wishing that things weren't the same
Just like how it was yesterday
Hoping things would change
To a dream
That you dream of
Every day
Every night
Every hour
Every minute
Every second
Every moment...

Just when you think the world is going nowhere,
Just when you almost gave up everything,
I'll take you by your hand,
And show you that you can

Labels: Holidays, Thoughts

I fear to laugh and so to weep
The Scars I wear are old and deep
Live on I must, at least to try
I do my best as days pass by
Fate treats me ill, she is not kind
Promised me once then changed her mind

We loved, he left then came once more
Impatient, wait for rap on door
Too weary for another test
I swallow sleep's eternal rest
My love my love my love i sigh
Into death's mist and days pass by

I can't laugh neither can i cry like what i used to do in the past. It's like everyone's telling me i got this emotion-less face everywhere i went. Like during the media camp, i look the same on the second day as what i looked on the first. But it didn't matter i guess. To other people who thinks that i'm emotionless, it's just that they dun understand me enough to realise the fact that i'm just not so expressive. Do you even use that word?

Live on I must, emphasis on I MUST (live on)! Even for the fact that it's beyond my control but i must try to at least now control the direction my life goes. I tried to stay happy as much as possible but most of the time the energy span of my mind always fails me, Terribly. Indeed. No doubt.

I'm so tired, so afraid to move on to another due to the haunting shadow of my past, to a new possibly brighter future that i could possibly have with another person. It's like it's stopping me. I'm fighting, struggling, to keep myself alive. It's like no matter how many times i tried i still fall, just like how Britney's spears' 'Everytime' goes, everytime i try , i fall.

I remember you always,
In good times as well as in bad;
On sunny days and rainy days
I remember what we had:
I think of you with tenderness
relive every tete-a-tete
I've spent my life with thoughts of you
Because i could not foget.

I think of you at nightfall,
When there is darkness everywhere;
And sometimes I can hear you call
Me, say softly, "I'm right here"
And then I'll dream sweet dreams of you
Knowing that you've not gone yet,
And that you've kept your promise too;
That you would never forget.

Somehow, it's always at nigthfall that my emotions start to unwind. it's only then i start to think, whether isit for any subjects that i study, or anything non-academic related.i haven't have any dreams recently, and i'm wondering why. perhaps it's the nature of school that knocked me out, totally. Still i wanna say i will remember you always, cause you made me grow (:

Labels: Poems, Thoughts

Ahhhh, i was about to update=___= Then Joseph asked me if i wanted to work;x So i agreed haha, working for the first time in my life tmrw.. Shall blog abt Karaoke and Buffet tmrw.

Orh wells actually wanted to blog abt this. I will just say it briefly for now. My mum was like on the way home said this "Aiya new year got clean up no clean up ltr also will dusty de-.- So this year no nid clean up lurh."

Then she came home " Ah boii arh.. MAKE SURE U CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM HOR..."
Me: " but i already cleaned it up not long ago"
My Mum : "But that's so long ago!Anyway it's dusty, so you better clean it up tmrw!"
Me: " Okay-.-" * shows that buay tahan face*"

I mean moments ago she was saying aiya dunnid clean up and then suddenly she asks me to clean up. Anw my sis tio also. I mean wth larh, why do people always don't mean what they say.. Others out there are doing the same time, now even my parents are doing so. I'm starting to wonder if i've been taught like this from young that's why now i ended up like this..

Anw, i guess the reason why i still can't forget her up to date is because every night i looked at the one and only gift she gave me and then hugs it to sleep. I guess it's almost impossible for me to move on like this.. Save me from this misery someone..Please...

Labels: Thoughts

Listening to
--->Leona Lewis Better In Time

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'ma be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'ma be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

[Chorus: x2]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
----------------------------------------

No all these won't get better... It won't in time and never will, cause i know at this very moment, i definitely not fine, not like how the song said. Besides time is not in my hands once again... School's ending in 14days time, 14 whole school days.. What possibly could happen within this 14days.. I seriously have no idea.. But one thing i noe for sure, is that it doesn't take just 14days x 24hrs to fall in love with someone, neither do u take 14days x24hrs to achieve anything that you want... Still is there anything i can do within this 14days...

Yeah then this morning during devotions i heard sth abt the sun and clouds and dunno wad... Cos i think some ppl aren't very comfortable with their results and all, then our principal like very scare... Get more counsellors and give talks, say dun sad..>< Yeah at least he bothers, not like some random ppl who just says, u all are scoring like shyt, better buck up, BUCK UP== Ok i think that at least changed my opinion of him, yeah. +1 pt for Au;x Yeah the analogy was sth in which Chloe told me ytd== Like so totally the same analogy lurh ;x She said sth like that, Huaaaaaa, it's just another black cloud that passed your life, once you get on with it, the sun will come out... Then i said, what if the sun was the black clouds or sth.. Then she was like good for you == Yeahhhhh, i'm waiting for my sun, so plz, be my sun,** ***... And i can't concentrate like seriously... I'm thinking about you even during maths lessons, like whenever anyone says "e^y", cause if you leave out the "to the power of", it sounds so much like her name, sigh sigh sigh SIGH SIGH!!!!== Orh yeah these are my results, hmm something to remember, so must well put it down here ;x

Eng 71 A2
Emaths 95 A1
Amaths 88 A1
Bio 67 B3
Chem 73 A2
Phy 70 A2
SS 66 B3

Yeah then during chem lesson, Mrs Tan suddenly ask me sth about conc. sulphuric acid, then the ans was just on the board.. Then she ask me dun think so much ;x Yeah sometimes, really when the answer is so obvious, why do i have to think so much, so follow isn't it? No matter whether the same situation happens in realife or in exams... It doesn't matter... We dun always have to think so hard..

She didn't come school today.. should i not call her?..


In the darkest of your nights, i hope to be the moon in your life...


Still i don't want to be just the moonlight in your life, i wanna be the warmth, the comfort, the one and only person that you will need in the dark.. I wanna you to be in my embrace...


Because even heaven is hell without you, me without you is just not me...


So please don't leave me even though we may never have been together...

Labels: Analogy, Chloe, Pondering, Thoughts

I wanted you
Lately I've been thinking about what I can do
I've been stressing to fall back in love with you
I'm so sorry that I couldn't follow through
But I can't go on this way. I've got to stop it babe
You've been wonderful in all that you can be
But it hurts when you say that you understand me
So believe me. I, I am sorry, I, I am sorry, I, I

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you

I've been pushing hard to open up the door
Trying to take us back to where we were before
But I'm done. I just can't do this anymore
'Cuz we can't be mended, so let's stop pretending now
We've been walking around in circles for some time
And I think we should head for the finish line
So believe me. I, I am sorry, I, I am sorry, I, I

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I lvoed
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you

I, I.. I'm so sorry baby
But I, I.. I gotta pack up and leave
But I, I'll always remember how we came close
..to being how I wanted to be
I wanted you baby
I wanted you

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I lvoed
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just added a new song. Press the ">>" button and you will see it. It's sung by a singer named Ian and i decided to add this because basically it's nice lol and it shows how i'm feeling right now.

Sorry for not blogging for the past 5 days??o.o I wasn't in the mood to do so and plus i've been doing service learning at children society at Chua Chu Kang== Imagine Redhill-Chua Chu Kang, how long's that man>.< Always left house at about 7am and reached home at 5pm. Don't really have time to pen down my thoughts and all. But since i'm free now, it's time to do so.

Thoughts
Well, we are supose to protect the children's identity, so pardon me for not mentioning their name and might in turn cause many confusion. Hmm, basically the first days were boring because we were like strangers to the children and vice versa.
We were being told that every single one of the children have gone through a lot because most of them have problems at home so they gotta be sent to the children society to stay there. Kevin mentioned that the place was more like a campsite== which i don't really think so larh, campsite is much more worser. But it does look a bit like prison for the children. The children were hyperactive and that kept me occupied from thinking about other stuff. Actually, during these 4 days, quite a number of things happen but is just hard to use just a few words to describe.

I've learnt something - Jealousy knows no boundary. There's this Girl A in which one of my groupmates stepped on her foot and my groupmate decided to buy some stuff for her as a form of apology. But who knows there's this Girl B who went to take her stuff out of jealousy i guess. And it ended up as a very bad quarrel and the teachers at the society got to step in. From this, i saw how jealousy could lead to such a big matter and not just a feeling. I think i should try and learn to control mine if it arises anytime again.

Something else that i observed was that children were very contented with what they have. You just have to give them a sweet, that's all it takes to make them happy for the rest of the day. Can you imagine when you give a sweet to somebody sad and it could make him/her smile for the whole day? No right, but it happened right there.

Also, i saw some burnmarks on some of the children. The only conclusion that i could get from it was that they were being abused by their parents. ABUSED!!! And she's only what 8 years old? WTF this world is coming to? A 8 year old have to go through so much and live with the marks for the rest of her life? This world just isn't fair. Everyday, i looked at those marks, i just couldn't stop feeling saddened for her.

Changes
I felt i changed. At least after the whole thing, maybe just a little minor change. I've grown to like children^^ Last time i found them a bothersome and all, so i didn't really like children. But maybe it's because of the times spent there that made me grown to like them. They are simply innocent and adorable=X When there was this boy that called me "kor kor". Then i was like a bit shocked cause no one has really called me that, not even my sister,considered never. At that very moment, i was like wow... So this is how it feels when the children look up to you and call you that. I guess i got a slight feeling of how an adult may feel when the child calls them "papa and mama", the kind of satisfaction that you can never get from anywhere else, but children.

Throughout the whole thing, i think i've fallen for "28". Well, if you know what it means. Hmm, it looks as though i found a greener pasture to graze/gaze on...lol. "28" looks nice. Maybe if i can't stand the broken-hearted-ness anymore, then i might considered "28" to at least lighten the pain living inside of me. I know that i admired "28", but deep down inside i know i never wanna leave this pasture that i've been on over the past 2 years. Because i cherish this relationship and that i knew i never would want to give up though she keep making me do so. No More 28!!! enuf of all the nonsensical stuff..

Events and happenings
26th May 2008, Mother Tongue O lvls!!! The paper went okay, wasn't too tough, wasn't too easily either. Just that the thought of my first O lvl written paper makes me nervous and all and i ended up having stomachache for the whole 2 papers. I had to hug my jacket so that i could tahan the pain for the whole paper. Both papers i managed to finish them just on the dot. I hope for nothing more but a bare A1>.<

I've smsed her for like 4 times out of the 6 days== But all in all, guess what. She didn't reply a single of it=.=... I knew i went slightly overboard and all but is it just too much to reply a stop it or something like that? I hope she don't tell the crap excuse that the phone's been battery dead for 6 whole days, actually 7 cause it's Sunday now== On Friday, i heard she's been released early at like 11am, but she didn't even bother to reply, not even a yes or no or whatsoever. Maybe her life revolves around her friend, so she's too busy with them, but wait, doesn't this mean that i'm no longer her friend? Is it too much to ask of her to take out 5 mins of her time to do so?... I seriously don't know.

Went to watch Chronicles of Narnia : The Prince Caspian (is it?) today. It's not that good but there's one phrase that caught my attention. It goes like this " Things never happen the same way twice.", neither do i hope it does. I don't wish for us to walk in circles and ended up at the starting point yet again. I don't wish for things to happen the same way, but they always do, but what can i do to change it?


Love has no limits. So does mine.

Labels: Love, Service Learning, Thoughts