I finally had time to do up another blogskin during the holidays because I kind of got sick of the slightly more than pixelated wedding scene and the song starts to get on my nerve to the point I had to pause it whenever I tried to see how my post look on the real thing. I think my new blogskin is a bit weird (or more than a little) because it seems rather disconnected/disjoint whatever. The arrows were supposed to kind of show my incoherent thoughts at night because of the what doesn't really seem like a moon there. There's this red brush that looks like love on wings kind of thing and the rest were like music and lyrics. I guess those were the more common stuff I do at night staying online, my train of thoughts etc. I guess it suits my blog because most of my posts are written at night. I think blogs should express who you really are instead of trying to make it look nice. That's me I guess. But the coding was mainly copied from the old skin with some major cutting off of people's code for the block quote thing. It was kind of crazy to put everything together in one day and that's how I ended up sleeping at 1am with MRC camp waiting for me the next day.

MRC camp is the bomb.

It can be summarised in first hand experience at teaching, massive being still for an hour straight, epic MRC song (live) performance, instant noodles @ 12am, 1am train of thoughts, htht♥ till 4am, epic fail at slicing wires, keep bleeding love, super neat coils by Michael and dam fail answers during debrief.

Non-stop teaching makes me realize that I'm not suitable to be a teacher because I run out of breath easily. Seriously, I don't know what I'm going to be in the future, like what am I going to do. Even though I once had an ambition but it doesn't seem that it should be the path I should take.

During night games I was staring at this star until it moved out of my sight, then I started thinking about stuff, like how I should be getting over some stuff and honestly nothing will happen and we just don't fit. Been listening to a whole album of Anberlin songs and even after like 20 songs went by I still didn't see anyone sigh. And seriously their songs are good when you're in the mood to sit and just emo about stuff.

Like..


Like sigh, why every subtle thing screams your name.
And when I was younger, I never like any songs with drums. Somehow, coming to this school makes me appreciate drums more. Maybe it's because we learn slightly more and it's after all not just an noise inducing instrument.

1am highness thanks to instant noodles leads to htht/bitchings/anxiety/helplessness/analysis till 4am.

I wish tonight never end.
You know that will never happen.

Sometimes I wish I could break the hands of time.

FOR was well epic fail at trying to make the connector for the amp, but ended up slicing myself with the scissors going right through my flesh. And I think bleeding love is apt, but is not a that nice song even though it's catchy. Because the feeling of keep bleeding is just horrible. It feels weird having blood keep flowing out under the tap.

I think generally people should stop being nice to me because somehow at the end I'm such a horrible person that I don't deserve such treatment. People treat you nicely but sometimes, you don't know how to reciprocate it and ends up making it worse. I don't know how to further elaborate on this.

That was camp for me at least.

I'm starting to hate my parents. They don't seem to understand what I'm facing, in my life or even in school. I don't know how to put certain points across in fear that I might just get shot down like this. But face it everyone knows that no matter how much you hate your parents, you know you'll miss them when they are gone.

Yesterday, finally had time to go out. We went to dwee's house for mahjong and subsequently went to Sakae to satisfy my cravings for sushi :D But I guess soon after we swore we'd never touch sushi for another month at least I guess. Hahaha, oh yes if the chips that we won in mahjong is converted into cash, I think I could have gotten a free cup of green tea at Sakae :D And rounded food pyramid HAHAHAHAH. Many many more jokes! Shucks, I'm starting to miss them when school is starting real soon and everyone's gonna be busy all over again.

I realized it's very hard to have a close friendship between members of the opposite sex because you don't know when is the distinct line to stop. There just isn't indicators to tell one when to stop having concern for the other and because of this often it goes... out of control. I cannot afford to well.. let the same thing happen to me again I guess.

We can’t waste too much time missing something or someone from the past. We accept that life’s never constant; things change and people grow apart. Yet we can’t stop thinking about how good it used to be; afraid that we’d never experience it again, afraid that we’ve already lived it and lost it.

No, I'm not missing anything from the past.

But I'm missing something from the present. I walked by and realized that familiar smell and the slight turn of the head, thinking that the comforting shadow was around. But I was wrong. And here comes the same kind of feeling you thought you'd long lost and forgotten, reflected upon another rather than the person of the past.

Labels: MRC, Outing, Thoughts