That aside, my mum just barged into my room early in the morning, idk doing what. Sigh, gave me a headache. I think my homeostasis is failing me. I feel cold even in normal aircon temperatures, or even just outside when the weather is slightly cooler. Idk what's wrong with me, it's like I'm getting weaker by the minute and I just.. really don't know what's happening to me.

I was thinking MRC is such a huge part of my life that the thought of handing over in a month's time, just letting go of everything seems so surreal and I won't quite know what to do without it after handover, the feeling's just weird. Freedom, isn't that I've been hoping for forever? and it's only when the thing actually happens, I'm not willing to let go because it's so close to my heart or so I'd want to believe. I don't know how, initially faced with a reluctance to even stay in the crew, subsequently to getting so attached to it and all the bullshit that I faced over the months and now finally almost time to let go of it. It seemed so heart wrenching.

If you have to choose between a cca which offers you a leadership position that you probably don't care a lot about and another cca just as an ordinary member but you care shit loads about, which will you choose? I was thinking if I didn't quit SGC, I'd probably been someone there and not have to go through so much in MRC, but idk, it's just a thought, wondering where you might have been if you hadn't chosen to be right here. I've always been amazed at the way bridge is played, not the kind you'd play for fun, but real contract bridge. The way they don't talk and just being able to communicate through what's on their mind, truly amazing. Partly, the reason I quit was cause I don't have a partner, one that could understand why you're doing this or that. I guess it's really hard to find the perfect partner, even for bridge, what's more life?

I always wake up to headaches, I don't know why, it's almost like hangover,
i love you forever, forever is over.I think there are things happening to me which I don't know, at least physically. Maybe, I shouldn't sleep so late into the night, maybe I shouldn't... and the lists goes on, along the lines of cutting my train of thoughts.

My mum has been buying a lot of clothes which I don't think I even like, or at least half of them. So, I'm going shopping alone later, I hope. The sky doesn't seem to favour that thought. It's been thunderstorms for the whole week already and it's not even the rainy season yet. I think global warming has taken its toll on us and the end of the world is coming. Kidding. But at this rate, it's going to kill us sooner or later. I think shopping alone is.. sad, but at least you need not care about what others think about you and can take as long as you like. Moreover, I think shopping with guys is like... quite difficult, maybe it's cause I'm a weird guy that looks into details and doesn't just glance and go kind, which makes it really different to shop with my friends. Though it's sad, I guess I'll manage it somehow...

I think I find it hard to keep certain friends. It's like you want to hate them for certain things that they've done/ happened but yet at the same time you realised they are after all the people that are close to your heart. This is why at the end of it all, I think I'll be alone ):

Have you ever walked on the streets and looked at all the couples holding hands, kissing each other and wondered how did they ever made it together? Like from the start till the present, how things happened? It makes me ponder a lot of times, then I looked at myself and kept thinking. It's like what if we're never meant to be and then subsequently it turned awkward, things don't go the way you want it to be. I guess we're never meant to be and I'm never the kind of guy for you.

Well whatever, I shall stop thinking and go out now.

Labels: Friends, Love, MRC