Last week at this point in time, i'm actually at MRC camp. Probably undergoing tests upon tests, like practical and theories. It's like a science subject, i just realised hahah ;x Oh wells, no comments about the tests >.<" Idk, my back has been hurting even before the start of the camp and i think that's the root cause of my insomnia.)): The 3 days was truly tiring, but yeah and disappointing in a sense. At least for people who expected and demanded more from me, sorry ): Sometimes, it's not like i don't wanna say anything, but it's like cause i've really got nothing to say, i mean it's correct so what's there to say. Well, at least the night walk was interesting.. Leona kept pulling me back at every single "supposingly scary parts", so at first i didn't see anything till she pulled me back hahahah. Nights walks are exciting with people who are really scared :D She kept tugging at my sleeves till my shoulder was showing-.-" And i felt like a guide dog hahaha.

"Fun"-o-rama set up on the 2nd day. Idk why Zhong Xian knew my name. Like we never even talked. Or at least when he tried to talk to me, i didn't even reply :x Joel's 2nd lesson to smiling LOL. Sigh just laying the speakon cables took up most of our time. Flying it across the rooftop :o Joel was like complaining about my excess cables getting entangled, end up it was actually his cable that got entangled-_-" Joke ttm hahahha. And Nicholas was telling us, ok more of me, the little little tips along the way :D And i almost died when i threw the cables down the building LOL, i was actually holding on to it somehow.. And it almost dragged me down to hell literally. Somehow, at that moment, i felt like turning into Spiderman and start climbing buildings because i really felt like screaming my heart out on the rooftop>_> Joel was like scolding all the 4 letter words when things just didn't go the way as expected.

And this is quoted

Can work can already! Dunnid care so much..

It's actually quite true haha, it need not be THAT neat, it need not be perfect, so long as it served it's purpose.

The night was young, so i guess MRC j1s have every other reason to stay awake, considering we always do that even on normal school days. As least from what i see.. YL actually asked us to sleep early, but somehow i didn't find the day that draining, so i guessed something was wrong already at that point in time. So it was just observing the silent night whilist watching the SC J1s getting tortured. It's kinda of expected with what my OGL said during orientation... But i didn't expect it to go beyond inhumanity.>_> And we actually bought drinks when the SC ppl was getting tortured. So it was Macs for supper. And off to sleep at around 1am+. The guys all knocked out but the girls, from what i heard, they were tossing around until an hour later before they fell asleep. And so we were rudely awoken up by our seniors at 4am. Felt like shit. We were asked to set up chapel in under 4 minutes and pack up in 3. From what i recalled, our record for setting up chapel was at least 15minutes or so. So it's called try again until we finally got it which is 5 hours later..-_-" Pack up was disappointing. I was drenched.. by my own sweat.. And it just drips all over the place till i couldn't be bothered with it anymore. Laying cables is so not my kind of specialty, I take a long time to lay cables>_> Like seriously. I think the problem with us is that when one person tries his/her best, the rest may not be trying his/her best cause we're all tired and i'm actually guilty of that :x So yeah, it's only when everyone are trying at their best, then we could achieve the best timing possible. The problem actually doesn't lie in the plan, it lies within us.

Frankly, the only reason why i stayed on in MRC (which is definitely one that needs much more commitment) rather than SGC is cause of the people, mainly the j2s and some of my batchmates. Time is never in our hands, a month more before they step down and i don't exactly see the reason to keep me committed anymore, but i hope i can still do so.. My heart is getting colder as the minute passes.. I really give up trying sometimes, cause i don't know what else i can do..

After break camp, i tried to go sugar high to keep me going for the day by buying a cup of bubble tea. But it failed me, i fell asleep straight away after i finished the whole cup of bubble tea XD So i guess i missed my uncle's birthday celebration... )): Ended up i slept for 19/20 hours, almost knocked out for the whole day.. D: When i'm tired i really can't do much.. My body just can't take it. Or maybe if i do, i'll just overwork myself and end myself up in some serious fatigue.. Sometimes, i think i'm too slack, sometimes i think i really pushed myself too hard.. I think i just need to maintain at such a level that i can manage..

Sometimes, i feel like i'm being stalked, being watched, like every single word that i type here.. Somehow, someone will interpret it such a way that it will set rumours spreading whether whatever i said here was intentional or not. I'm quite tired of this actually, people not realising what i actually undergo, and what is happening around me )): And i'm feeling pissed and angry at myself somehow, i don't know why, i'm not even supposed to feel this way... Ironically, i think i'm already being named a stalker to some people..

Media is worrying as in the cca in my secondary school. Sections closed down, i hope my section is still standing strong, but according to the latest news i heard from my junior, it doesn't seem to be going as smoothly as it may seem. Teachers who truly cared abt the cca is actually leaving one after another. And the section is becoming more and more slack due to the new leadership. Sometimes, i really wish they'd come up with a session that i can go back and talk to them, especially our new beloved president. Seems like the last blasting that i made before i left the cca hasn't been impactful enough, then i guess it's time for another blasting to take place. I don't want my section to close down, after all it's our blood and sweat over the 4 years that it survived till today.. Staying up to late nights just before competitions, just in school, trying again and again after we've been failing like forever, it's come to this prestige for a reason, and i think they're ruining it. Is it me who didn't handover everything properly, or was it because of their incapability to lead the section, i don't know really. All i know is i kept putting the blame on myself, not knowing what more can i do for them. I need to go back soon. To screw some sense into some people.

I'm guessing you already kinda of give up reading at this point in time.

DCF @ macs ;x

Friday was outing with wq and wj. It was actually a random decision to go out. I don't know why, we always like plan it last minute and start complaining when things doesn't go well. But anyway, it was a whole load of random information LOL. We were supposed to get presents, but i guess we failed. Like totally.

Sunday was 'o' games. It's supposed to be some family day thing. So we gotta set up and stuff. It was a long day.. LOL, our seniors actually have weird,strange and "interesting" ideas for the MRC crew Tees 09/10 XD Ask me for them if you really wanna know ;x I almost couldn't control myself at certain points in time. It's like on the verge of exploding. Personally or for work. Both made me boil. Come to think of it, i'm actually very volatile depending on what is said. Acidic ttm. Though it's just a paragraph on the day, there's much to be unspoken of since this is getting all too public and personal.

Monday was outing with R and wq :D It's actually quite weird how three guys go out to erm.. catch a movie LOL. Anyway we went to catch "Ghost of the girlfriend's past". It was rather funny at certain parts, a joke totally. Frankily, guys are jerks sometimes. I don't know how i can explain this but it's quite evident in our society today. And i know this statement is making me look like a stereotype. And R mentioned guys normally liked chocolate ice cream?.. The only other person other than me whom he knew who eats Strawberry ice cream was J.. I was like shit,hahah. He said it's actually a stereotype that most guys should like chocolate ice creams, but anyway i guess i'm the exception. Or perhaps, partly the reason why i didn't eat the chocolate one was because i was coughing in the morning. YL also came along with her friend to watch ghost of gf's past!haha. But because we got the tickets later they're actually sitting 2 rows in front of us.. If not it would have been a total joke XD The movie was quite touching at the end and i guess definitely in one way or another set the 3 dumbfounded guys thinking about stuff.. Hmm, maybe it's just me but still it seems i'm actually not alone. Dinner was at kfc, and R looked totally funny with the straw in his mouth and his dramatic heartbroken sound. Piang.. hahaha. Though frankly, after he made that sound i went low totally. Somehow, when i looked at R's back he looks like a brother to me. It sets me thinking if only i had a brother like him. It's weird, i don't know why, it just suddenly came upon me, if i could go out with my brother like how i went out with him, i think my life would have been a more meaningful one. I used to dread having siblings last time, his actually the first person that made me wanna have a sibling like him. Truly. Madly. Deeply.

End off with a picture that i took recently:

When the sun sets
That's when you start thinking
That's when you start wishing
Wishing that things weren't the same
Just like how it was yesterday
Hoping things would change
To a dream
That you dream of
Every day
Every night
Every hour
Every minute
Every second
Every moment...

Just when you think the world is going nowhere,
Just when you almost gave up everything,
I'll take you by your hand,
And show you that you can

Labels: Holidays, Thoughts