I fear to laugh and so to weep
The Scars I wear are old and deep
Live on I must, at least to try
I do my best as days pass by
Fate treats me ill, she is not kind
Promised me once then changed her mind

We loved, he left then came once more
Impatient, wait for rap on door
Too weary for another test
I swallow sleep's eternal rest
My love my love my love i sigh
Into death's mist and days pass by

I can't laugh neither can i cry like what i used to do in the past. It's like everyone's telling me i got this emotion-less face everywhere i went. Like during the media camp, i look the same on the second day as what i looked on the first. But it didn't matter i guess. To other people who thinks that i'm emotionless, it's just that they dun understand me enough to realise the fact that i'm just not so expressive. Do you even use that word?

Live on I must, emphasis on I MUST (live on)! Even for the fact that it's beyond my control but i must try to at least now control the direction my life goes. I tried to stay happy as much as possible but most of the time the energy span of my mind always fails me, Terribly. Indeed. No doubt.

I'm so tired, so afraid to move on to another due to the haunting shadow of my past, to a new possibly brighter future that i could possibly have with another person. It's like it's stopping me. I'm fighting, struggling, to keep myself alive. It's like no matter how many times i tried i still fall, just like how Britney's spears' 'Everytime' goes, everytime i try , i fall.

I remember you always,
In good times as well as in bad;
On sunny days and rainy days
I remember what we had:
I think of you with tenderness
relive every tete-a-tete
I've spent my life with thoughts of you
Because i could not foget.

I think of you at nightfall,
When there is darkness everywhere;
And sometimes I can hear you call
Me, say softly, "I'm right here"
And then I'll dream sweet dreams of you
Knowing that you've not gone yet,
And that you've kept your promise too;
That you would never forget.

Somehow, it's always at nigthfall that my emotions start to unwind. it's only then i start to think, whether isit for any subjects that i study, or anything non-academic related.i haven't have any dreams recently, and i'm wondering why. perhaps it's the nature of school that knocked me out, totally. Still i wanna say i will remember you always, cause you made me grow (:

Labels: Poems, Thoughts