Today's chapel was crazy. Stoning j1s, failed tv, phantom at work, insane number of ports, a sense of nostalgic helplessness. Oh yes not to forget, I think I'm known as the crazy guy who went around shouting in backstage. I spent half the time shouting into the walkie with all the cf people staring at me, only to realise in the end that the antenna is spoilt despite it looking perfectly intact. Like where's the antennas that you long promised since FOR? Feeling more than a little angst, I actually attempted to scold the 2 backstage J1s, but ended up just talking to them online and thru sms. One feeling touchy, the other seemingly more hopeful. I think I'm such a failed senior sometimes.

-ANGST ANGST-

On a side note, despite all the failed attempts to fulfill my duties, I like the chapel band today, at least from the backstage POV. From the keyboard to the grand piano to the violin to the drums = ♥ I think I'm a melody kind of person along with drums :D I can't appreciate most electric guitars actually.



I think what my ft said to me really hit me hard. Even though for most of the time, he talks like a gangster, what he said is really true, I haven't been managing CCA and school work well. Whether if I did meet my cca teacher during PTD, he/she will take away the badge, which brings me to wonder if I'm really capable and up to the job, at least managing a good balance between my school work and CCA. I think I've been toning down a lot recently, in terms of CCA and I feel rather bad as though all the passion in me just died overnight.

My GP teacher was talking about how teens have this idealistic idea of love and how maybe signing a 10 year marriage contract isn't that bad an idea and how you can renew the contract 10 years later if you're still feeling okay with the marriage or simply just break off if anything happens. I think it became a joke gradually and became suggestive of how certain people's contract would definitely only last 2 years. Well, it's kind of true that I constantly compares the idealistic kind of love with what I might actually be experiencing (because I realised after all what I went through may not exactly be well, love.) which leads me to thinking that I must find a way to perfect this, or at least try to make it as close to perfection as possible. Maybe, that's why I'm so tired of all these. Despite getting all those emotional train wrecks, I still feel as though it's all worth it.

Labels: Love, MRC