Exams are just well part of life. I meant that's something that you have to go through. But there are actually many other things in life one doesn't necessary have to go through, like all the traumas, setbacks and even success if you were to mention. It makes me think that life's just mundane without them though.

Even throughout the period of exams, I've been constantly thinking about stuff (which well means getting distracted all over again), stuff that I shouldn't be worried about. Like screw it, why should I care? But obviously, I ended up caring all over again.

I swear those buggers never give me a day of peace; First failed attempt at sound during chapel, then silent morning assembly. Seriously, one of these days, I won't be surprise if i wake up in a hospital. And some people failing at listening to the point when I'm left speechless, like "...", at the same time breathless, because I have to go one big round just to get things done. Like -gasp-, had enough. Last night, I dreamed about the lights not turning on and mics not working during some mass assembly, like seriously just give me a break mrc. Xj says I looked tired and it's in my eyes. Maybe if certain individual would just listen out and stop using a lousy phone that goes buzz every once in a while, I wouldn't be so tired. It's no wonder when I said I'm going SSP, he taps me on the back and say I need you, of course, need me to clear all these shit for him.

Recently, I've been exposed to more stuff, like tv (omg finally turned on the tv after so long) and starts to think more of things like trust and family, love.

Trust.
I don't know how much trust one should place in another. I mean face it, no matter how loyal, faithful one is, there will be times when they just disappoint you over and over again. Sometimes, it's not within conscious state of mind, but they just unknowingly do it. Like in transformers, which I happen to be rewatching, getting haunted by admin at the same time, "No, I can't do this.", "You're a soldier." The amount of trust one places in a stranger is so immense (Or maybe in the case of transformers, it's cause there aren't any other choices left), I mean it's just weird generally, friends don't trust each other wholeheartedly, which makes this world a lot more complicated then how it just looks.

Family.
If you're gonna fling, why even get a family in the first place?Enough said. Then again it's domestic business, why get the media involved and make such a huge fuss over it? Just because his a public figure doesn't mean everything he does have to be right? I mean we all do make mistakes but still why drive so much controversies, just get on with your own life already. And maybe on a side note, thinking about self becoming someone like this the next time. I mean somehow, as you grow up, you realised everyone starts doing it and that's why you follow, that includes any trend. And sometimes, it's heart over mind and that's when I envy Chloe because she has a strong mind over heart.(Y). The thought of yourself becoming someone like this sooner or later, being not faithful just makes me go -gasp- because every men somehow ended up like this, or at least that's what most people believe. How?):

Love.

Have you ever wondered about the things we tell ourselves before we fall asleep? We whisper the words in the dark, telling ourselves that we’re happy, or that he’s happy, that people will change their minds. We persuade ourselves that we can live without the people who have left. Each night before we fall asleep we lie to ourselves in a desperate hope that come morning, it will all be true.

I always tell myself that things are going to be better tomorrow. Once I close my eyes, today will be gone, once tomorrow comes, everything starts anew. But I realised as time goes by, I was wrong because I wake up thinking about it again. I used to be able to forget about things when I sleep (maybe that's why I sleep so much), but now it's a different thing altogether. Someone once told me that "The difference between an eyecandy and crush is that nothing will happen between you and the eyecandy, whereas in a crush, it's different." I'm starting to appreciate this statement more and yes nothing will happen, just stop thinking so much and stop living in this make-believe world of mine. I just got up, I'm never gonna make myself fall down ever again.

People walk in and out of your life, I think over the course of last year, more people walked out of my life than it ever happen. Honestly, I'm already numbed to this feeling already. I ought to not care and just move on. Maybe it's this lack of love from family, that's why I'm desperately looking for love somewhere where I can't find.

Labels: Family, Love, MRC, Trust