First week at Signal Institute sure is great. The life's like back in Leopard, only slightly more demanding in terms of studying and all. It's like back to school again and I have to study those stupid stuff which I can't even apply in life. What's more most of them involved Physics. Guess I couldn't run away from it after all. I feel kind of cheated after knowing that I'm going to get sent to 5SIR after this whole signaller thing, which effectively is 7 more weeks from now. Field camp's about the only thing I hate about army and they had to send me there for more field camp. Doesn't all make sense when most of the time we're fighting in Urban terrain. Life's gonna be tough in the next unit, Silver min. for IPPT, 3 PTs in a day, outfield, burnt weekends.. Tell me what to do. How can I survive through all these, at the same time having enough time for her, my friends and family. Tell me...

So people out there, whose not going through army or at least not in commandos, guards or infantry, be glad. At the very least your field camp frequency isn't of that much a concern and your weekends are probably secured. I really wish I can screw this whole NS thing right now and like just live in some other country or something. Constantly pushing me to my limits. People do break down sometimes? It's what that makes you stronger if you make it through but really break you deep inside if you don't. Sucks to be men but well this is what men does. Just follow instructions and like get dragged along by your commanders. Just wanted to say signaller's job isn't that simple too, in case if you think that way.

I want to sometimes just stab myself and die or like walk onto the highway and just get knocked down. But I can't, not that I don't want to, but I'm like stuck between agony and life.

My neighbour was being annoying, though I wouldn't describe him as that normally. Scholarships, it's not like I even qualify so like just shut up for a while when I get through this turbulent state of figuring out how to go on with my life. Wet nights, wasted tears, flooding emotions, incoherent thoughts, when will this end?

It doesn't bode well when I get stone when I go out with her. It's not like I want to, but I can't help it but keep thinking about things, like in general things that went on this week. Can't help but feel uncertain about my future, don't even know whether I'm really that interested in my Uni course, don't even know if I'd just die the day after tomorrow. The sun rises and sets, but I don't walk alongside time, I just get dragged along. Times passes slower, just that how you'd travel a shorter distance if you get dragged instead of walking. I don't really know how to forget the past, enjoy the present and not worry about the future. Guess I'm not living my life well, at least well to the fullest. Life.

My life now is like a flower, reaching the end of summer.