I'm actually wide awake cause I had a fever yesterday right after I booked out (AGAIN!). I'm sitting at my table looking at the sun burning with passion and I looked at myself. It's ironic how the day start off so well and you're not in the right mood as the weather. That happens a lot when I'm in camp. Last week went out to celebrate her birthday. Played pool at the usual place. It's like back to our first date ((: Papercut ^^ I'm touched when I read it... Had to rush back to camp cause it was on a Sun ): Only had sushi D: Heh, Strepsils don't help coughs! I don't know if I want to go to a command school. I still think if you want something bad enough, you'll fight for it, but if you don't even bother fighting for it, then you don't want it bad enough. Command school isn't something I would want badly enough but it's also something I wouldn't want to give up for. I don't want another 3 weeks of confinement ): but the pay's so attractive.

I think it takes a lot of courage to give your heart to someone and to love that person wholeheartedly when you don’t know if the person will ever feel the same way about you.

I think I've been hurt too many times to love whole heartedly again. There's always the past haunting me and sometimes, it doesn't stop at familiar faces, conversations and thoughts. It's like a series of sweet dreams then nightmare then dreams then nightmare. I think nightmares are creepy and it keeps haunting you if you can't forget about it. But somethings you can never forget about, because they're etched in some part of your memory and no matter how much you struggle to get rid of it, it still comes back to haunt you on certain nights. Someone told me this, "in my mind you're forever the emo boy". I guess somethings never change (at least not fully). Shifting character traits, not a matter of hours or days, but of years. Truth is, I still angst during nights when I'm free and I haven't been this free like tonight. My mum was talking about how my weekends are high in demand and have to do advance booking ;x Maybe, it's like working life has already taken it's toll on us. Will it be like this from now on?.. I think we're getting used to life without each other. I typed this yesterday, but I'm taking back my words :D I think keeping a relationship during army is harder than expected and if only the 2 years pass like a breeze. Somehow as the days pass by, I find myself loving her more and more ((; Which makes staying in camp harder and harder.. Sigh. It works both ways... It gives you intrinsic motivation and tears you down when you're really down. Gah. I hope we make it thru. I can be tough, I can be strong, but with you, it's not like that at all.