For those who haven't and contemplating to cut yourself, just remember this picture. I guess it's disgusting enough to put you off cutting yourself. Though I don't think you can stop anyone who's bent on dying.

It feels like the 3 of you are a family and I'm just some random stranger standing by watching. Sometimes, I feel so left out but all I could do is just.. watch and be strong. I guess even if I disappeared for the next two years, it wouldn't quite matter. Sometimes, I don't know what to do in a home that doesn't feel like home. I want so much to just lie on the table and let the voice inside of me resonate in me and cry and cry. Ever heard of a crying voice?

I can't quite believed I played the past two weeks away and haven't done a single bit of work. Maybe it's a way of escapism. It seems I'm back onto MMOs and it's a bit disturbing because I thought I'm all over it already. It kinda feels stupid after a while, but I think and think about what I want to do and how far I am away from achieving it, but I refuse to acknowledge the reality and continues to live in this fantasy world of mine. Sometimes, I think I'm so impulsive and didn't quite know what I'm doing at all and just keep on wasting my life away.

Prelims results. Whatever it is, I'll face it with a positive attitude (but that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to break down). I think I'm not scary, just a little on the unpredictable side. I don't quite want people to know what I'm thinking. It's a bit of a kind of guard I decided to have against people since long ago. Sometimes, people like myself are so ugly on the inside and it's not worth it to get hurt over, so it's better for people to not know, not to get too close.

"If I died tonight, how many people would care? How many people would know? How many people would moan and wished they had me back? How many people would regret being assholes? How many people would wish they loved me more? How many people would wish they loved me less?"
Now, someone tell me answers to all these questions because the fact that you're reading this shows that I trust you enough.
I think my neck is breaking from breaking.

Labels: Family, Sadness