I'm so sick of facing everything alone, I'm never gonna make it for prelims at this rate and all the tuition gone to waste. It's raining damn heavily now and it makes the mood more or less.. crazy. And I think there's excessive outflow of gastric juice into my stomach that I wake up in pain again, because I'm not quite in sleep. Talk about quality sleep. Sometimes, it's like you're half awake, or rather not exactly awake. You're aware of movement of things around you, but you consciously tell yourself to move and then you can't and you struggle in this semi-conscious state, not being able to wake up or continue dreaming and all you want is just someone to maybe touch you from this other side of the realm to pull you out of this eternal sleep. But you know there aren't always people whose gonna be by your bed and waking you up everyday, so it's like sometimes these things include the sunlight and well.. phone calls, or even alarms. Suddenly, it's like you wake up, but felt like you never even sleep.

I woke up today, not feeling okay, like last night didn't even pass, I didn't even sleep. Yesterday was pretty much figuring out how fucked up I've been. Fast yet deep, slow yet shallow. It's like the rebound effect, you get over someone, find someone else and you call it love. There's something wrong with myself seriously and I need to stop all these and wq, I think you better keep a knife or something in case I do something stupid again.

GOD SAVE ME THE AGONY OF going through prelims. I'm gonna fail every single damn paper there is to fail including lit. I thought Tanu meant it literally, the things you gonna study over the past 6 weeks are gonna come out meant, the questions are gonna come out. Well, as retarded as it sounds, I actually believed that until someone told me it's highly impossible he'd do something, with tanu being tanu and ever so sadistic that he wouldn't help us one bit. -gasp- so yeah, I never studied and is pretty much dead. (Y)

OKAY BREATHE.

sigh, I think I'm getting anxiety attack never before in my life. I think I know enough, but it's never enough. You know they say prelims affect your posting in army, hoho, I think I'm gonna get posted to some dumb unit -gasp-x2.