Woke up to pain. I don't know if I might make it today, or I might just end up hospitalised and not having to take prelims. It's not like I can eat anything without feeling revolting. I was just lying to my mother that I'm okay, and sometimes I really do wonder if I really meant it when I said that because it's not I'm not all over and done with the pain, but it doesn't get on my nerve enough to say I'm going to die, dammit. I wonder if I even deserve to live sometimes.

Oh, god, my mum just peeked at the first few lines. -gasp- Luckily, she takes long enough to read things like this. It's like sometimes the things you try so hard to hide, but you eventually get found out and you don't know if it's all even worth hiding in the first place. This is why I recently denied entry of my blog to my mum so she doesn't read about my suicidal thoughts and how I won't make it.

Some of the most comforting words that can be heard are “me too.” That moment when you find out that your struggle is also someone else’s struggle and that you’re not alone, fighting that same battle.

This is why I love quotes because it's a subtle way of telling yourself, at the very moment you read the quote, there's someone else feeling the same way as you and you're not alone even though physically you really are. As you would have probably figured, I'm just ever so afraid of being alone and even if it's the slightest things that gives me comfort, it's worth leaning on it. It's very sad, because I don't show it even though I'm always alone in school. Oh wells, school isn't much of a problem now, classmates like us probably won't meet each other as much even after prelims. Up till now, I guess I could say I hate them. So much for tight. As such, I'm never quite able to come up with my own quotes, because I think they'd sound pretty stupid enough than well taking other people's and that finding comfort in other people's words is better than coming up with your own and standing alone. I don't know it's like all along, attention is given to my sister and it's like I feel quite so alone that I don't need to talk about someone who makes me feel even more lonelier.

I'm tired of fighting against people that I just follow/accept whatever they say. Maybe the passion probably overtook you for the first and second attempt, but my passion doesn't burn and it doesn't last that long enough for me to continuously be fighting. If people say so of me, I'm quite like so be it and just tell myself that people never quite understand me because I don't even quite get myself.

Hi you, it's 4 days from your birthday. Even though it's been like 2 years, I'm still remembering it and I swear I'm damn retarded for losing your number. Even though no matter how much I wish I'd have gone back to the past, I'm sorry for saying I love you and screwing up our friendship over and over again. Idk, this 3 words are taboo and I don't just tell anyone and honestly the last time I tried I probably died worse. I don't even tell my parents that now, which is why I'm guilt ridden because they've done so much and I'm going into army soon. They are gonna be like without a son for 2 years. Thank god for my sister. But over the past year, I've been thinking about what to say so that we could still go out as friends and every time I go to JP, I still wished I saw you so I have a reason to ask how you're doing, which is why I'm never quite in the right state of mind when I'm there and at it.

Sometimes, I wondered if the same thing happened to AH because he confided in me but never quite fully. I want to understand people but I guess sometimes, they withhold things not because they're not over it because they don't want people to worry about them.

I don't know, I was quite angry at first but I realised it was all my fault for starting all these and I really don't have any rights to say anything. I just want to be friends.