“ Do you understand the impulse? The impulse to put your hand out and want someone to be there at the end of your reach. To want someone to be close to. To want to kiss or touch even if it’s wrong. The point is you can’t control these feelings. Even if they’re wrong, they’re there. They’re always there. ”

1. If you’re smiling right now, you’re doing something right.
2. It’s not so much what you say that counts, it’ how you make people feel.
3. The biggest mistake you can make is doing nothing because you’re scared to make a mistake.
4. No matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be. Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win.
5. Freedom is the greatest gift. Self-sufficiency is the greatest freedom.
6. If you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it, don’t stop. You’re on to something big. Because hard work ain’t hard when you concentrate on your passions.
7. It’s not about getting a chance, it’s about taking a chance. You’ll rarely be 100% sure it will work. But you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Sometimes you just have to go for it!
8. Complaining is like slapping yourself for slapping yourself. It doesn’t solve the problem, it just hurts you more.
9. The one with nothing to hide is always the one left standing tall.
10. You can press forward long after you can’t. It’s just a matter of wanting it bad enough.
11. There’s a big difference between knowing and doing. Knowledge is basically useless without action.
12. In work and business, when they need you more than you need them, you have succeeded.
13. Everything that happens in life is neither good nor bad. It just depends on your perspective.
14. We are all weird. And life is weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we call it love.
15. True friendship and true love do sustain the tests of distance and time.
16. You can’t change who you are. You can only change what you know and how you apply this knowledge.
17. It is okay to be angry. It is never okay to be cruel.
18. Even when you feel like you have nothing, someone else likely has far less. Find them and help them. You’ll see why.
19. Having a thousand credentials on the wall will not make you a decent human being. But genuinely helping one person everyday will.
20. Remember, change happens for a reason. Roll with it. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

After reading this, I've a warped sense of logic. It's a matter of how badly you want something. I guess I didn't really want something like results that badly, so maybe I didn't press forward that badly. Maybe I should start getting desperate and all, because partly I am, I need to do well. Few days back there were news of two PJC girls killing themselves over results, I wonder if I'll be the next one sometimes. I mean these kind of things are like hard to say and you really don't know what's gonna happen and all, for someone like me who cares shit loads about the little things in life, I think every little thing has a great impact on me. And maybe there are somethings that I really did want badly, but maybe I'm just not that tenacious enough to press on. I mean I've been struggling with myself ever since idk when.

Realisation 1
Everyone has desires and fears. Today, I realised that when one dreams about their desires, they call it sweet dreams, when they dream about their fears, they call it nightmare. So in actual fact dreams are nothing but our desires and fears and it's so sad that I don't know, even when you're sleeping, it's like telling you, you're only human because all humans have fears and desires. It has come to a point I don't know if I really want to feel like I'm living anymore.

Realisation 2
Today, again I realised that I've been drowning myself in continuous work of MRC so that I could at least forget about my sense of purpose in this JC - to study; so much so to the point when I think about handover's in a few days' time makes me feel so lost, so flustered. Sometimes, I think I let myself to get distracted by you so that I would feel better, because.. you really do make me feel better... I really don't know how long this will last me ):

Two wrongs doesn't make one right. Two emo people shouldn't try and cheer each other up because they are twice as lightly to end up in despair. I guess this is why I don't talk to people when I'm depressed or sad, people always end up taking the initiative to talk to me because it just isn't quite right for me to start passing the depression around.

I wanted to write letters for the whole 18 of the juniors but then from past experiences, writing 2 letters, putting up with an all nighter almost killed me, 18 of them, I will really die. HOW?D: Those people without position will be so sad. Oh, so lost.

I should stop being so selfish, it's not all about me. D: