The hardest part is waking up in the morning and remembering what you had been trying so hard to forget the night before.

Woke up today and went to help the j1s, despite me telling myself I'm not gonna bother. Pon-ed world fitness training. Seriously, I don't care already. Things that I don't have a chance to teach them and end up doing everything for them. I hope they learnt something. Very disappointed at some people; not paying attention, not answering walkies, not fast enough to react, not alert enough. Whatever you can name you, you have it. Want to kill them already. I think I'll never get over it, as a matter of fact, it's something I fought too hard to hold on to. The irony lies in the fact that when I don't want to let go, the other side of me keeps telling me to hold on and when I actually need to let go, the other side of me keeps telling me not to. Why is this happening to me? Someone asked me for his key and badge. On the surface, kept appearing as if he doesn't care but in actual fact do a lot. Don't know what to say but feel like just punching him when he doesn't have a care for the world at 7.10 when the video in LT2 was still not up. No stress. Nice. I think the more stressed up you are, the more you care and evidently, the amount of attachment comes from how unwilling you are to let go. I've listened to the SC investiture song for 2 years already and still like it. How unfailing; the sentiments.

Today was fucking fucked up. Use of alliteration for emphasis. I think I'm going crazy because I have a consult with EkaT on Thrus and I haven't prepare any shit except that I was damn sure I'm gonna ask him about style and forms. I really need to read my WSS before I fail Lit. Had to write a Gp essay, which I ended up talking about how history leads to gender equality. "History and Lit students are sacarstic." As a matter of fact, though it's a generalisation but it's an evident trait in either thoughts, words or deeds. I don't know if you can do sacarsm, but you definitely can show it. Two hours of Econs was utter bullshit, don't get anything. Luckily, maths only lasted 40minutes today, contrary to the 100 min that we were supposed to have which totally saved me from jumping out of the window. Vulgarities sprouting out the whole day in my class, the whole class was angst about the long useless day at school which isn't as productive as studying alone at home definitely. I was wondering if I ever gonna consult CHL, then I realised, she don't seem to entertain ANY consults even. Why do I have tutors like this?

“ I’m afraid of time… I mean, I’m afraid of not having enough time. Not enough time to understand people, how they really are, or to be understood myself. I’m afraid of the quick judgments or mistakes everybody makes. You can’t fix them without time. I’m afraid of seeing snapshots, not movies. ”

The race against time. I don't understand you, neither do I understand myself. There are too many things I missed out and time has it, I'm never gonna get it back.

"It's better to have loved and lost, than never to be loved at all."
This was supposed to be the full quote. I don't really feel that way, even though there were things of the past to be kept and pains to be forgotten. It's those experiences that you are being put through that makes you stronger. Maybe, not knowing how it feels to love is a blessing, then again someone said unblissful ignorance. As a matter of fact, I don't think I ever felt love, not that I'd know whether it feels like that. Very much want to know how it feels, even though curiosity consumes me now, it's really not the right time I should be worrying about such things. Mind vs heart, it's a battle. It lasts through the long night and runs with the never ending flowing river. There are times when I actually feel happy, but those are the exceptions of moments of glances.

Tomorrow marks the day I'm gonna attempt to distance myself away from you. Or inevitably, it's gonna happen. Don't know what to feel except that it's supposed to be the 'right' thing to do.