Done pretending that everything's fine and I'm gonna be okay; cause obviously I'm not gonna be okay.

My mum's been nagging at me to off my comp and just concentrate on doing my work. Sometimes, I get so sick and tired I just want to run away from this house even on weekends. This home doesn't feel like home anymore and it's just a place I return to from school to sleep. Every time, I feel like shutting my door to my family, shutting myself from everyone. I try to be exceptionally quiet just so they wouldn't talk to me. I don't really know what I'm thinking about anymore.

Changed to a new blogskin because I'm so sick of my old one. Don't really have the energy to make a new one, so I just got it from blogskins. Looks pretty nice, dark and all, shades of grey.

It’s not that I don’t want to fall in love…. it’s because I’m afraid to. I think I’m not ready for it, and would rather carry on loving in secret and just work on being a decent friend.

I think I need to work on being a good friend first. I always feel that I'm not good enough to even be a friend to someone and it's so sad sometimes. I've been this lonely since I entered this school and it's been that way even up till now. I don't know if it is that people don't like me or it's just that I'm too quiet for comfort. Though I must say I kind of got used to being so alone, but sometimes, I really wish there are people by my side, so that I'm not always in this permanent forlorn mentality. I've never been in this so much rollercoaster all my life and I wonder sometimes, is there even more out there? Is life worth living at all.

9984) I wish I could tell someone everything. I wish I could let it all out and not worry that they will tell anyone. I don’t want to know what people say behind my backs. I try to avoid all situations that might cause some drama.

And there are secrets I hold so close to myself that I don't tell anyone because I'm afraid of people who aren't trustworthy. The truth is I don't know who to trust anymore because life has it people betray you and you learn the ugly side of people that you forget to look at the beautiful side of people. I'm just.. one of them.