I’m getting used to this pain already. It’s getting worse each day. It’s like my heart is replaced with a vacuum, it’s so empty. I miss you, every little thing reminds me of you. And every time I think of you, I smile. Then I frown.

I am/have been full of angst thanks to well this thing called love, or maybe crush, or whatever, I don't even know what to call it already. Well, it's true that you know every time I try and stop thinking about you, it just goes on and on. It feels so bad sometimes, but it's not like I can help it because it has come to a point when I can't really control what goes into my mind and what comes out of it. This is the point where by I've lost any sense of control left in my life. And there's this part of me that says, you know I really want to just lead my own life, just shut up and go away and another that goes like maybe I should just try, maybe just a little closer. End of it all, I just keep thinking and thinking. I'll crash at this rate. What's worse is that every time I think of you, I smile. Then I frown.

You never know how bad someone is feeling, so don’t ever say you’ve “been there.” Because unless you’ve went through every second of every moment of their life, then you don’t know how they feel. And believe it or not, they’re probably feeling worse than you think.

Quite true and yet sometimes people are just being hypocritical and really, I don't know how to face them. Then again, you have this hope for this group of people whom you wish that would care a little more (or maybe a lot more), but obviously they just doesn't seem to realise that they aren't caring enough. Sometimes, people say I understand how you feel, but as far as it goes, I can understand you but how much more can that do? Well, maybe it brings sympathy to you, I don't know but it could only bring you so far, I guess it doesn't exactly help much further than that. You know, I wish someone'd understand how I feel sometimes, like really.

Honestly, I’m scared to get too close to people. It seems that everytime I get close to someone, they always have a reason to leave later on. Maybe its fate teaching me that life goes on, or maybe I just trust the wrong people.

You know I think this statement is like quite true in my life. Maybe, I shouldn't get so close to people, in general. Because somehow, there's this period of time, I'd be super close to them and then there comes another period, it's either I really lose them or I really drift away from them. Maybe it has to do with me, not putting enough effort to keep relationships going, but you know, sometimes I try so hard that I don't even know what exactly went wrong already and I think this continual disappointment with people really tires me out, to the point I want to be a lone island, one that's isolated from other people, one that really don't want to speak and have any connections with anyone. But think of it, is that possible? Obviously not. But as far as it goes, this intense feeling's not within my control. And I'm really afraid of getting close, in fear of getting hurt.

"Sometimes it’s a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence."
-David Byrne

It's been a bad day and this long badge of mine has bring me more trouble than it has ever did, with my teacher at least.

Labels: Disappointment, Love, Thinking