I ought to be be lamenting about my PW grade, but..

My mum said good. (although she soon realised it wasn't that good, when everyone else in my class is getting a B).

Jas came into the room and cheered me up a little.

My group leader smsed me to tell me not to worry too much about it.

AF was 'COMFORTING'.

Mr Yap coming in and tried to talk us out of feeling bad for not getting an A. I still remembered talking to him about my anxiety for OP at JP. I was alone then.

WQ staying in the room just feeling all the same as me.

I told Mohd about me and my parents. Maybe, he'll stop asking me to saikang for him and ask the J1s instead.

Beatrice Chong came up to me while I was staring at the PW results at 5pm. She tabbed me on the back and went, "Hey sweetie, are you okay?". My hair stood on ends for a while, before I said I was. She went on talking to me, on how the importance is on the H2s and not PW and how Universities looked at a B grade for PW, it's still a good grade. Even though it's her job, the concern she shown is much more than what my mother shows to me.

The 3 J1s who made my day with their all scandalous atmosphere and letting me know I'm not such a failed senior after all.

The feeling sucks just all the same. It's like the same old feeling after I've gotten my chinese results. But B=/=D. I guess you don't really feel sad getting a certain result if you didn't really work hard for it. I mean PW is something that no matter what, there's still a need to put in a minimum amount of effort. But I guess the saddest people are those who went the extra mile, going into late nights, trying to complete their written report when the rest of the members are already sleeping and yet not receiving a grade deserving of that effort. And I just so happen to be one of them. What makes it worse is that there are only 4 As in my class, 2 of which are in my group, which also means that an A is within my reach and probably just because of the way I spoke that ended me up like this. What's more a slacker in my group got an A. Hard work doesn't pay off. Enough said.

You know, a day or two ago, I was telling someone how life was good. But I think circumstances have their own ways of turning my life upside down. Like how I managed to pick up from a situation and yet falling soon after. In other words, life is a bitch. I'm starting to think back, the kind of things JC put me through and I'm beginning to feel that I just don't fit in here, like how I fought with my parents over coming to JC. They're always.. forcing me to do things I don't want to do, I guess.

I was looking forward to school on Tuesday. I had stomach cramp.
I was looking forward to basketball on Friday. I had stomach cramp once again the night before and my neck cramped when I was bathing halfway.

Cramping like a bitch, literally. FML.


I was talking to someone about how there are many things that stand in the way of everyone's happiness and how it's different for everyone. I think I screw up a lot, by a lot I really meant a lot. So I guess it's the fear of screwing up the same thing over and over again, so I rather avoid it than face it. But, deep down inside, I know that unless I get rid of this fear, I'll never be able to attain happiness again, because I'll be constantly stuck in the past. But I'm so afraid of screwing things up again. What if I screw up another time? I don't know if I'm able to withstand something like this anymore.

So i guess all I can do is just dream.

I realized that even when you’re not here, if I close my eyes and dream about you, you’re still pretty close.

Labels: Love, PW