Moment of the day : -starts a blog post-.

It's like this I'm trying to get a life but failing. Blogging actually is the only thing I look forward to towards the end of the day (well, apart from sleep). My blog is made private not because I'm affected by what those flamers said on my tagboard, but because it gets irritating after a while, having to clear the redundant messages that do not have a basis for their argument. I've concluded it's time I needed some private space to myself anyways.

Past day had been this intense moments where everyone just blew it. Well, just sitting there watching gives me the creeps even and those are the moments that I'm lost for words, like what to say or even what to do. I've been thinking over the weekend on what to do with well, rft. But obviously hasn't come to any conclusion. I spent the whole weekend studying (or at least trying to study), even though I didn't go out but I came to a conclusion that I'm lagging behind so much that it's almost impossible for me to catch up within a span of 1 weekend. And this is bad because terms is 1 weekend away. Seriously, why can't they just exempt us from terms, like giving us extra lessons (I don't mind seriously), I mean we needed that right? What if I flunk terms? I'm going to get screwed damn badly by my parents sigh.

On 2nd thought, Fri's like the release of A level results. I sure do hope that I could get a satisfactory grade so I can drop chinese. I'm not hoping too much but wells. That would be the ideal case and ending school latest at 2:50pm is the bomb :D

The GP package has been another motivation for depression. Every other articles talks about how someone dies or whether some other person should die. Seriously, I never realized Science and Technology is such a depressing theme and my teacher hasn't talked anything about it but forced us to read "A brave new world". Just some of my views, wide early in the morning when my brain is at it's clearest. Well, shouldn't they not kill the animals, like putting them to sleep just because they're ill or whatever? I mean if there's an ethical issue with humans being killed intentionally, then if humans are animals too, then why doesn't the same argument stand for animals? Just because they don't have the mental capacity to decide for themselves? But they are animals, they communicate in their own ways different from humans. So does that mean if animals communicate in their own languages and if they were to be the ones dominating over us, we humans would deserve the same treatment?

Then again, there are many things that are much more depressing than the above. Like well, Lit. EkaT mentioned something that was rather deep I would say. It keeps reverberating in my head. He said " Just a piece of advice, next time in life, you should never use the same piece of information that people give to you against them." Well, I couldn't think of any examples. There was one in Proof but I lost it somewhere. According to EkaT, it's a betrayal of trust ttm, the extreme anyone could have gone. But that coming from him, it's as though his trust has been betrayed before by someone dear to him and that of course leaves me wondering what kind of friend/bf/husband he might have been in place of well, a Lit teacher. I mean teachers are humans too right? So they've got their own lives to live, but it's kind of sad that they have to distinguish their personal life away from work, forcing them to work professionally. Well, Lit makes you think about things you probably never thought of and probably gives you perspectives that you'd never look at. With that in mind, I'm actually thinking whether we did maybe use the same piece of information he gave us back to rft.

Coming to my next point, which is that I've been zoning out in lectures today, partly because of rft. I realized even though I said I'd not care about him but always end up thinking about what I can do. It has reached to the point whereby I couldn't tell his true intentions from his acts anymore and so just want to say WHAT THE FUCK, won't you just say what you think and mean it? I mean, well if he thinks that we are at fault then he might as well just say it and see what we can do about it. Seriously, doing all these stuff, getting attention and all, we are people too, we get sick of them too.

Yesterday, I saw something I shouldn't have saw. It was actually the same thing in my previous post. (Use of parallels). Like I saw her going out with another guy. Like even though, it may be just what I think, but it's the 2nd time, with the same guy? Honestly, the first time, it hit me and stunned me for a moment, just when I thought I was over her. But this time, I really felt nothing, that then I know I'm really over her. I mean I'm okay, really.

Then again, I think it's better if I well, control my emotions and not let loose to the extremes. Because sometimes, I have the tendency to swing towards to most extreme, but that's innate and there's nothing I could do about it. But isn't that good, at least I could tell distinctively what I'm thinking.

My heart beat and fell for -, but just a little moved this time. Maybe, I should quit thinking and start studying. Guys are after all guys, we see 1 and forget about another.

Well, I guess all that were the causes of my depression.

Labels: Life