noun • a vague feeling of sadness, seemingly without cause

Note to self: before you fall for someone, make sure they’re ready to catch you.

The quotes speaks for itself.

he mornings were as hazy as always, albeit a slight drizzle that brought about a cool breeze within the house. Everything was as it is. Everything was as it should be. Except that today was the day.

She waited right by the window. the windowsill was uncomfortable, too small for her to sit on, but it did not matter. To her, not a care in the world mattered to her except for that very moment she has been waiting for. Each breathe she took made the window hazy as she anxiously tapped away at the glass. One would have mistaken it as the morse code should they take notice of the rhythm of the taps. You see, it was her habit, the habit of counting her breathes, a habit of running all these years. This incessant tapping gave away her doubts, her fears in the single action she fell upon while in that dream-like consciousness. Most importantly, at this moment, it gave away her vulnerability.

It was not like her at all. A bright student, brilliant at sports, God-loving and was the apple of every boy’s eye in senior high school. Grace never left her side, yet in everything, there spoke of a life well-lived, a life full of passion. There was a smile that could turn the heads young men as she walked by the hallway. Everything seemed to work for her, and then he came along.

He was definitely not anything she was, he was never a jock, never the guy who turned heads, never what anyone would deem as significant. Yet the more she looked, the more she could not help being curious. Within him lay something hidden, something beautiful, majestic, like a deer cautiously walking in the woods. She had to find out what it was.

All it took was a stereotypical bump, the type you think you would only see at the movies. A turn round the corner and papers fell everywhere. In an exchange of “Oh I’m sorry”s and “no its my fault”s, that was the closest she got to him at that point. It was the chance, the chance to just walk away or get closer. Never did she know that she did not have to do a single thing, a little request for lunch together was all it took to sweep her off her feet, for the first time, and many times to come.

Then it came. The few words that she couldn’t make up, only the dribs and drabs made sense to her at that point. Missionary work. Three years. Leaving. One more week. I Love You. Will write postcards. With all the clarity she had been living in all her life, this sudden blur meant something, an unforeseen change, a flaw. That single tear rolled down her cheek, it was not going to be the same anymore..

The sudden blast of a bicycle bell of the mailman jolted her from her apparent walk through memory lane. It was here, the precious letter sized card that came on every 28th of the month. This one looked special, one that she’s never seen before. A picture of him and children of an African tribe. How could it be? A printed postcard? She slowly turned it over, anticipating what he would say. Each postcard had brought about different tales of adventure and love. Would this be any different?

“Dear Jenna,

Africa has been great. In my three years, the Lord has been good to me. He’s allowed me to see much of his hand at work in these lives. They even call me their Kaka, their elder brother now. I wish you could be with me to see all this. Jen, i’ve never had the courage to ask you with me, Africa was my dream, a wild dream. It was dangerous and to put you in peril would be my last desire. You are dear to me and I’m sorry for these three years.


Would you come with me if I asked this time?

I love you, always and forever

Brennan”

It was nothing like the last postcard. All she could sum up in her head was a great big ‘Huh?”. None of it made sense, it just could not be, he was not coming back until after the new year. “Always and forever” had never been there, a confession of his dream had not appeared in any other postcards. Amidst all the confusion, the blur came once again, but in her heart there rang a resounding sound. That was a heart’s true desire, a clarity within the murky reality which she has prayed so hard for. A resounding yes echoed in the rain.

“Yes” was her answer, and as she read it over and over, yes was the only thing that she could utter. However, something was not right. The words ‘I love you always’ seemed to echo together with her voice. Just as a tear gently touched the postcard amongst the droplets of rain, she heard it again, it was not her own voice. It said, “I Love You, Jen”.

The mailman let his hood drop, revealing a familiar face she had not seen in three years. It was already unusual that he was wearing a red coat instead of a blue one today. But it never mattered to her, all that mattered was the postcard. Her grip tightened on the damp card as the words from his mouth never came clearer than it was now..

“Will you come with me, Jen, to see the world?”

“Grow old with me, the best is yet to be” - Robert Browning

“Every woman also wants an adventure to share..she wants to be caught up in something greater than herself” - John Eldredge in Wild at Heart

I think this story is beautiful.

If only life was that beautiful.

SSP here I come.

Labels: SSP