Thinking back upon the times during orientation and OBS. I was very much restrained, though at some point I was high indeed. But for the most part of it, I was getting over something I couldn't tell what. At least bringing myself back to reality, making sure that I'm actually moving on. It was an exact year ago that I was here, and raising limbs, running and falling, all on the track. The times we shouted our lungs out and went mute the next day. I actually want to go crash an OG and recollect the times I lost because I was getting over stuff. I want to dance, even though I can't dance. I want to play, even though I know I can't really play it well. I want to cheer, even though I might not contribute much to the volume. I want to be a part of it, even though I know I'm not that prominent. And all these are made impossible. I lost many things, whilist I was with my current CCA. Of course, without anyone realising, I've been struggling against that. Against what I'm unhappy with, against my relationship with my class, against fun, against emotions, against studies and of course, against my importance.

And it has already come to point when I come back from MR, I feel so piss that I feel like crying.
So many odds are working against me, what's there that's left for me to stay?

I wanna say FUCK YOU very much to some people. But I didn't, I choose to contain it, sometimes realising that I've contained it way too long till certain points in time, I just break down. Not knowing what to do, not having anyone I could depend, count on. And I don't want to surmise stuff that might not even be real.

Though all that, I'm thankful for all the friends that I still keep in contact with, whether is it those that are miles apart from my school, my home or those that are so close yet so far because they understand how I feel and they actually feel for me. Sometimes, I think of them, it just makes me smile and think that tomorrow will be better, even though the disappointment that sets in every next day gets greater.

Lifehouse - Whatever It Takes

A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together
Whatever it takes

She said if we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see
She said like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together

I know you deserve much better
Remember the time I told you the way that I felt
And that I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together
Whatever it take

I love this song a lot. Yeah, from the drums to the vocals, to the (beats) to the lyrics (: And it just so happened I haven't been listening to it till today after having dinner with wq. So I was paying close attention to the lyrics and realised it's very apt at the moment that I was listening to it.. I don't even want to like cut out certain parts of it except for maybe the I'll keep us together part.

Labels: Sometimes, Whatever It Takes