Today can be summed up as epic fail AC games. At certain point i felt like dying. Then something came to my mind. Like something along the lines of "I hope you all realised no matter how tired you are you still have to fulfill your responsibility as a MRC member." That coming from our dear ex-president. Then i realise till the day when i'm no longer a member of the MRC, will i have the right to procrastinate and saying i'm tired i don't wanna do. Till then, hopefully i make up my mind and that day would come soon enough. I'm hurting all over, inside out, outside in. Top to bottom. My head, my eyes, my arms, my hands, my stomach, my legs. For various reasons. I need to chill (before i start shooting someone down for all i know). I lost the heart to care, from now on i shall just follow and not advocate change. It's not like i never tried. But i tried, fell, realised i can't even save myself. I should try and save myself instead of trying to think of how to help others. Others before self somehow no longer fits in such an environment, the harsh reality, of life.

Sometimes, i say i don't care but i always end up realising i can't. i feel that way towards many objects, people, things that happened. But always always end up in a vicious cycle in which i can't never be released from. Like yesterday, i was so angry at someone, i think he doesn't even realise it. And then i just feel like ignoring him for the rest of my life-.-" But it's the vicious cycle remember?

Some things, some people i really want to care about though, no matter how tired and how screwed up my life may be. This group of people are well, special in a sense. I guess at the very least they do matter.

I was thinking about a lot of things, but i'm even lost in my own thoughts. I should pen down my thoughts as i think instead of trying to recall what happened. Sometimes, i'm too contradiciting, often causing people to misunderstand. Like yes and no in a same answer, not literally, but wells you get the idea.

And i have this curse upon me. Like when i need/want to talk to this person on msn, then the person will log off. Not once, not twice, not three times, it's more of most of my lifetime.

For now,
./collapse.devoted to sleeping entirely.

Wished you'd care more.
Medicine for the heart,
Medicine for the hurt,
Medicine for my prone to injury body.

Labels: Care