This is what happens what you've got too much of Lit.

One Day I wrote her name upon the strand,
But came the waves, and washed it away:
Again i wrote it with a second hand,
But can the tide, and made my pains his prey.
'Vain man,' said she, 'that dost in vain assay.
A mortal thing so to immortalize;
For I myself shall like to this decay,
And eke my name be wiped out likewise.'
Not so,' quod I, 'let baser things devise
To die in dust, but you shall live by fame:
My verse your virtues rare shall eternise,
And in the heavens write your glorious name:
Where, whenas death shall all the world subdue,
Our love shall live, and later life renew.'

I think i like this poem a lot (: Maybe cause it's the only one that i'd fully understand-.-" But the meaning behind it too ><

And it's rather amazing how a clean sheet of paper became sth like that above. Shows how much 14 lines of words actually meant ): And perhaps how much words meant to me.

Especially words from people who meant a lot to me i guess. Sometimes, i get so sensitive that i somehow get hurt for no reason or whatsoever. Perhaps, i should be oblivious to things around me, it might have been better for me? That i didn't know what's happening around me? But sometimes, i really ain't afraid to get hurt, i'm afraid you aren't even there to hurt me ): Ahh, recently, i've been rather cranky and i'm fully aware of it. But i can't help it because i don't even know what's wrong with myself. Sometimes, i hate myself so much. Or maybe even my existence ): And what rights do i have to even ask of other people? What rights do i even have to even like someone else when i can't even manage myself well? I don't know , i really don't know... ...

My life's full of ellipses ): Cause i've been facepalm-ing non stop along with my heart going like "... ..." every now and then. Either cause I don't know how to respond to certain stuff or my heart just died a little |: I hate people who takes advantage of me D: Asking me to do this and that. Maybe i should start becoming hostile towards everyone, perhaps they'd stop asking me for favours. I kinda had enough. Like seriously.

For the past week, i've been struggling to keep myself afloat, even just for a moment, an hour or even a day. It's been rather tiring to keep studying for the whole day without any quality break in between (Considering how i managed to finished one whole omelette within 3minutes. I could hardly breathe D: Disappointing things keep happening to the point that it reminds me of stuff to the point i don't know what to do with myself or the people around me. Not to mention how to face them.

GP Sat was rather demoralising as well. I couldn't finish both papers. After all, my mind doesn't work on a sat morning, burdened with a weary body, it's hardly possible for brain to even think coherently. I wonder how am i gonna survive the future gp exams.

I'm rather sick of life already. Sometimes, it appears to me that i'm hardly able to see a goal (or even a temporary goal). I don't know how to tell myself to move on anymore. Push some more? And probably drop into something so deep that i can't even see myself. Perhaps it's only someone that's giving me what's needed of myself right now. It's love for myself.

Leaning up against this wall of ice
Never gonna let love fade away
I don't want you to go
So forevermore.
Don't.

Labels: Sick