; heartbeats like drumbeats.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Good guy gone bad.

Promos are coming in two weeks' time.): maybe i shld convince myself more that it's in 9 more sch days and i'm about to fail at least half of my subjects. Whatever, the H3 Math dream may be. But maybe this will help motivate me more to study at this moment (and of cause i shldn't be blogging right now). But anyways, it's a form of de-stress. (Tries even harder to persuade myself that i'm doing fine.) That's perhaps just all bullshit. And i'll never be able to make it through without safely telling myself that i've worked enough to even deserve the result i'm getting.

Ugh, that's the promos rant. Sidetracking, the past week has been rather... Well, i would say, eventful. Wednesday was MRC's celebration for Guin and YL. It was well, rather successful, though i guess we almost failed once again. The birthday song in Chinese part was funny. I don't know what else i could say, maybe Happy 17 1/2? hahahah. Happy Birthday! The people who had such an impact in my life (:

People like to give me heart attacks, especially when my heart is weak. And i srsly tell you, i'm gonna collapse of excessive shock sooner or later at this rate. Worrying about others is part of the 'plan' apparently in a desperate attempt to strengthen my heart ;x But i think it doesn't work that way. Anyways, those people out there whose feeling down and all, we should keep fighting and hopefully i'm actually telling myself that. Ironically.

I realised you just need 1hr 40 min to travel from sch to go to town and get something and go back to my house, shows pretty much how convenient my place is XD I'm super srsly-.- Flying around Singapore like after 7,8 pm, not literally but anyway, you get the idea.

I don't know what else to say. But yeah that's about all.

I don't know how

I tried to ignore you, but i don't know how to.

I tried to forget you, but i realise i don't know how i could.

I tried to touch you, but i realise i don't dare to.

I made a promise, i don't know how to keep.

I have this weariness, i don't know how to sleep.

I have this exam, i don't know how to cope.

I have this intense feeling, i don't know how to manage.

I have this sadness, i don't know how to erase.

I have this broken heart, i don't know how to repair.

I have this tear, i don't know how to shed.

I have this hopeless mind, i don't know how to console.

I have you there, but i don't know how to.

I don't know how..

People are tired of being nice all the time. Though i think it's more of me. My heart is disturbed. My mind's in a whirl. And my soul's gone off somewhere hiding in a place where no one else's belongs. Heart, Mind, Soul. I'm staring out to the sky. But i can't see the moon. I wish i were the moon. Because there's a significance behind it... One you'd never know. I need to be less intense, less oppressive. Cause now, it's no longer teardrops on my guitar, it's teardrops on my Chemistry notes. I really wanna cry, over stuff that doesn't seem to matter anymore.

The grandfather of my friend just passed away. It seemed however how fragile i may be, even this piece of heart, soul and mind i have. My life. I realised how much of a nuisance i could be to others tonight, so i shld shut up. And i looked like a fool. And I am.

The reason for my existence was a lie.
All along...

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8:49 PM