I drank technically 3 bottles of Milo yesterday, prob won't have survived without them with so much going on. I very well worked from morning from World Fitness Club (For those that failed Napfa), Chemistry Practical, non stop lessons (except for a pathetic 20min break which i very well used to eat my only meal of the day), straight national day rehersal set up after school, 2.4km training (for those that failed 2.4 once again), continued National Day rehersal, soldering cables, Leona's birthday celebration and then finally discussions. Before i finally could sit back and take a break off my mind, it's already been 6+, almost 7pm.

Milo's like my ecstacy. It kinda of kept me going for the day.

Well, when the sun's still up, i could be somebody i'm not, when it all sets, it's just the me within, can't help it, tried changing a million times, i thought it became better, but on second thought...

"u go le acjc like dam blardy stress liddat going burn out at ani time"
"last time u still ok at least. u still manage to relax like audi. now u like 24hr emo up pissed off. i tinku pissed at ur results oso."
"last time u pissed off at cca but still manage to relax and slack but now u like cmi with cca le"

Well i talked to a friend days back. A close one in secondary school. We basically talked about anything and everything about our lives. He said those words above, perhaps words of wisdom? Well i really appreciate the fact that he got me through perhaps my darkest period in my secondary school. (prob the reason behind my inward looking personality today). I feel i take him for granted at times and sometimes i'm really sorry friend D: TBH, his quite right, ever since i came into ac, i never had a chance to chill, there's 101 things for me to worry about, including myself. Audi's out of qn for now, besides i get worn out easily while playing it, not very ideal now esp when i need every minute of rest i could get.oh well, 24/7 emo up is quite an exaggeration, btu well i feel at least it's improved a lot already srsly.. I used to dun talk for a day or sometimes even days. At least now, i'm slightly more opened up. You know if i could use a country to describe myself, it'd China. Oh wells, cca. He actually asked me to not put in so much effort already annd be more focused about my studies. You know the only reason i could reject his suggestion was that i have a heart for my cca. You know when you wanna believe in somethings and give it your all? I'm actually somebody who can't take back what i give actually. Or rather it's quite hard to withdraw, but wells, if one day i really have to, it must have taken me quite a lot to do so. Disappointment vs Passion. Even humans die one day, what about a small part of human - The Heart? You know i have a weak heart like really, i dunno how long it can last.

Sometimes, i type my post with eyes closed. Not looking at the screen, nor the keyboard. My natural instinct will tell me what to write and without me knowing the whole blog post is being crafted in darkness. Even so, is my natural instinct not allowed to be sad? I really don't know.

Sometimes, i really have reasons to be upset over. I keep them from people so that they wouldn't be worried. But i guess sometimes this kind gesture doesn't get through. I've tried it on different people, telling them or not telling them, the effect differs greatly. One of which showed care and concern that i've never seen before in my life, btu yet at the end of the day is burdened with the problems i'm facing too, while the other seemingly to have misunderstandings about me. To be frank, i rather people have misunderstandings about me than be burdened with the things i'm unhappy over cause i know the burden is too heavy to take. But i guess at the end of the day both groups end up with the same results of not knowing what to do with me esp when they are worried. Gomenasei! I guess initiative is what i like about people, but often i'm not even able to take it up, what irony.

You're my ecstacy.
Doesn't this sound familiar?
It's from diana's msn nick.

Labels: Milo