Yesterday night was terrible. I was having my usual backache (maybe i should just go see a doctor after terms) along with insomnia, the usual 2.. I was trying to give myself an early night by sleeping at 11pm (actually is cause i couldn't be bothered to practise more), but i ended up sleeping at 1,2am. I just kept turning and tossing. And in the midst of all these, a lot of things came to my mind. Not just memories, not just the present but also the future. I kept imagining how life would be like maybe after i finish my terms, this and that. Lots and lots of them, i dunno why, they just flow through my mind like how water passes by the river. It.. comes naturally.. I can't remember the things i thought about actually. Many are stupid actually and i think it's best not to write here. When the chain of thoughts came to an end, i actually slept and it's kinda of weird how i managed to be so aware of all these.

The day started with a sense of weird feeling sitting beside my classmates during assembly and looking at how my seniors who are busy doing sound check and no sound comes through. *panic!*. Oh wells, the matter of fact was terms was here. First was GP, was the first paper i could actually finish for GP, like omg. So i was actually quite satisfied (wait till i get back my results). So attempts to study in between the papers was in vain actually and ended up in a little chat with wq. I was somehow glad that ln/log for differentiation didn't come out actually, cause i was being trying to squeeze in the last bit of that but failed. Maths came. I'm gonna scrap through it with a bit of luck, i think i might be able to pass. But still, if i'm unlucky, i guess i'll just flunk it. But still, i'm not very happy with myself, because i expected much more for my maths, like seriously much much more. It's the only subject i was having confidence of passing actually. And chances of flunking it isn't gonna help me one bit, at least in my morale. I went home. Upon reaching my doorsteps, it actually seemed to have started drizzling. I was actually quite blessed that it only rained after i reached home, that it didn't dampen my mood for the day further.. Neither did it make things worse for my already poor health conditions. Yet, there's this thing inside of me that tells me that i'm actually still not satisfied with my own performance today. Just something that holds me back. I'm just so not myself. Time to mug for chem.

Reminder to self
-Even though things may have turned for the worse, but just know that it's not gonna change the tide.
-No matter how drained i am, i still need to study
-It's just another 3 days
-I have a debt that i've yet to clear
-Stop expecting things to happen without working for it

I'm glad to know that you're fine.

Labels: Blessed, Unhappy