I feel confused.. Over many things, esp. after what chloe said in that msn convo few nights back... I wondering, pondering, thinking whether what she said is true after all since what she said makes sense... To give up or not to... It's an answer between a matter of yes and no but yet still there are so many things that i'm considering about. Morever, i don't want to just let go of this just like that... Many a times i found myself staring into blank spaces, with a mind full of imaginations, full of surmises... Chloe asked me to go up to her to ask her face to face, probably, a face to face talk would be good but then again i don't have the courage to do so... I've used up all of them and i don't think i could brace myself ever again if the same thing were to happen again. I don't dare to even think of the consequences... What is it that's gonna happen after she replied with a no, do my heart have to die, or wad.. Every part of me is torn apart.. Probably due to the Nypha retest on Fri... But not just my muscles are tearing apart, it's my heart, my soul that's truly tearing on the inside, something that is unseen to the oblivion world..

Escapism
I find that i'm running away from everything just by playing comp for the whole of yesterday... Yet often i told myself and everyone around me that we should face up to the problems that we might have... But still i don't do what i taught other people to... Facing up to the problems at the moment seems tough to me, esp. when she too isn't... At this rate we are going, i doubt we will ever get anywhere... I wonder what can i do instead of just escaping away from all these..

Respect
"Respect is not given, but earned"
Indeed, you don't respect someone because u just feel like respecting this person, it's because that person had did something to gain your respect. However, at this point in time, i feel that i'm losing respect for some people, people with tinted glasses... Not literally of cause.. They look at people through their appearances, from the outside, instead of looking at what the person is truly made of on the inside, which may be his/her personality.. They just judge people blindly, without even knowing the person. Who are you to judge what defines me? Besides, PORKY(someone asked me to put) just said sth like only the Normal Stream people need councilling... I was thinking in my mind, everyone has their gifts and talents, but they may not show it in their studies, perharps they may show in terms of sports or artistic talents... Whichever it is, i believe everyone has their own strengths and should not be solely judged based on their acadamic results.. Even personality or conduct... Doesn't mean that you are in the Normal Stream, that you are bad by nature or whatsoever. So i'm urging all those who seemed as though they are prejudiced against the normal stream or perharps seem so to think again... They too are the same like us..

Labels: Confusion