Sometimes, people just can't keep their mouths shut for a moment, not when they discover something new and then start talking about it non-stop.. Orh wells, i don't know exactly how to start this post, neither do i know how to end it..

Firstly, people always have a misconception about this word, this word that has ever so often been used on me - Emo. I would like to say if i'm not wrong the definition of this word ( though it's not found in the dictionary) is overly emotional, often to the point they expresses their emotions through speech, actions or even behaviour. Ok, if according to this definition which i assumed is correct, that means a person have to be OVERLY emotional over things, and then tries to show it in his or her actions, words, the way they act. For example, someone is sad over something. He feels like ending his life. Notice how the sad leads to an action like ending his life. Yes, this is what i call Emo. However, there are many who misunderstood this word as - ok, today u sad, then keep crying. If truly that's what you call emo, i bet at least half of the people living on this earth fretting over anything could be considered as Emo. What's more a baby who is just newly born to this world is always crying isn't it? So you are saying, we are born to this world, Emo-ing. Is that really true? Of cause not. Thus, I AM NOT EMO..== If in any case, you did not even fully understand the meaning of the word, who are you to make judgments, solely based on what i've put on my face. Whether is it a frown or a smile or a weary looking face. Who are you then to judge whether who i am or what i even do, so let me tell you this. You are a NOBODY. You aren't anyone to define who i am..

Ok, next, i don't know what to say to those who had been ever so free to start gossiping or even disturbing her. It's like she walks past and then her fan club starts screaming like the world is ending tomorrow. Please act like Sec 4s instead of some Primary 3 kids who go around overreacting, you people know who you are and i hope after this post, you will grow up, unfortunately not many will just by reading this piece of useless shit that i'm posting. People who are physically 16 and yet have a mentality of 3 to continuously stay high and starts shouting childish things. Besides the point, it seems that a new name have been bestowed upon her ever since that September 23rd Incident.. Instead of calling her name, she was called something else... Orh wells, the basic respect you could give to a person is to call his or her name properly and properly means the correct pronunciation, the correct name. The worst thing is for someone to call you by another person's name and yet simply doesn't recognizes his or own mistake. But that's exactly what's happening now. Simply disappointing, isn't it?.. Orh wells, if i have to go further insulting this people, i would. But that's sad, because these people never grow in their thinking despite corrections being made over and over again. And last of all, if you all think that by using my name in vain, trying to disturb her every now and then would lead to some sparks off in our relationship, perhaps, you are completely off track. Cause it doesn't improve things, it simply just destroys.. It just made her drift further away from me because every single thing that i've do hasn't been working, what's more continuous disturbance could lead to a change in attitude, you must be joking.

I really don't know how to face her right now, it's like whenever we are close, there would be people going high.. Today, Some guy from ACJC told us about the things we gonna study if we take history. International relations, something which is in the syllabus. Then he went on to explain that international relations are about how history leads to what is happening now and how countries interact. Actually, it's applicable in our daily life. Like now for whatever that happen, it led to how people interact with one another, just like what happened to me. It feels as though she's ignoring me, orh wells, it could be inferred from what she said yesterday and it seems she's always busy with her work.

During recess, i was doing my compo draft - Write about an incident whereby your kindness to someone close have been taken advantage of. Then, i was wondering what to write. Then someone came to me and told me to write about what really happened to me, things that happened to me between me and her. Then this person said "Talk about her larh, i mean you do so much, she also like..." That took quite a bit off me and started to got me thinking. I mean even a 3rd party( as in out of the situation kind of thing) can come up to me and tell me such things, i think perhaps i'm still blinded.

And there have been people leaving anonymous tags on my tagboard, and especially inconstructive comments. I mean this is my blog, is it too much to ask of a little of freedom of speech which i very well deserved? Orh, so is it wrong to just release my emotions onto this which i considered my own diary, recording every happenings that've seen me through my life? If so, i could also keep a handwritten diary which could very well serve the same purpose as this blog and yet does not have any unnecessary comments. Why? because you are given the privilege to read. Why don't i make this private, because i don't want the hassle of having to send invites every now and then, even to some of my long lost pri school friends, cause still i want to meet up with them. And what's my tagboard for? It's for you to talk, to catch up and not for you to give some stupid comments which condemns another.

Besides, from the start, ever since i've decided to love her, i told myself not to be mindful of what others may say. They may say you are the stupidest person in the whole wide world (www), but still you should not care about it because it doesn't matter. Cause it's just their 5-cents. Anyway, now i finally understood why Mr Tan wanted to you know like check up on everyone and suans them when he has a chance to. It's like a way of protecting himself isn't it?.. Having a teacher who once worked in military intelligence is not bad, cause at least his "military", "intelligent", so literally. He seems to know a lot about weaps and stuff like this, besides, his PRO at finding out things, somehow his a good example for me to follow, i think, or perhaps not, anyway i just need to get rid of this mentality of hearing others' voices in my head.

Anyway, what i've written earlier had perhaps, taunted the 2 ppl whom i think couldn't accept insults, it seems as though it's their weaknesses. and thus decided to get back at me on my tagboard.. Couldn't accepts insults? Then just jolly well, shut your mouths up and stop disturbing her.


I feel the capacity to care is the thing which gives life its deepest significance.. Then, why doesn't she? In the midst of all these, instead of having someone more around me to stand by me, i get her ignoring me...

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle; love is a war; love is a growing-up.
I hope i'm growing up.. And definitely hope that all these would work out somehow.

A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love.
Perhaps, i'm holding on to this 1 degree of hope, yet trying to protect it, someone's stepping over me.
==== to be continued ====

Labels: Emo, Reflections, Self-Defence