I was Vesak Day celebration at aljuned. It reminded me of the past year. I was at the same place doing the same worships, but yet it is different. The past year(s), i've received sms from her during the times i were there. It just reopen my wounds yet again probably some salt on it too come to think of it. But i'm like numbed to it already, can no longer feel anything. But I REALLY WANNA BE WITH HER eternally.

Hmm,i'm still pretty much confused. i don't know what i'm confused about but then i just feel this way. Maybe this is what all teenagers will walk through or at least most as being confused over why they have to do this and have to do that. Well, i guess this shows that i'm just a no exception.

You can't really control what others can say about you, so why really even bother about what they say. Personally, i feel, i can't be bothered with other people's opinion except her's but at most of the junctions of a crossroad, i often listened to what other people say and get swayed easily by their opinions. Yes my perceptions often get changed easily by the people around me, so if you wanna psycho me come, you would most likely succeed. If someone criticises you, what do you think you will feel? Therefore what you feel leads to what you think and what you do. I mean i'm not really angry or stuff like this but it's just like disturbing to the mind.

'CMI' can stand for both cannot make it and can make it but why not let us think deeper into it. It always meant that a situation can have both sides- the pessimistic side and the optimistic side. Often i stood on the pessimistic side, i don't know why but maybe is just cause that it's either in my character, or is just that i don't want to hold too high hopes on certain things, in fear that once they fail, my world might came crashing down......

Watched arena while dota-ing. When i saw the name so similar to hers, i knew i'm not gonna be okay. I vented my anger or rather sorrows on the noob shit ais, even if it costed my life. Well, she once told me that she like the virtual side of me and actually i feel the opposite way. i like the reality side of her cause is like.. Aiya i don't know how describe. Maybe lady-like is the word to use but then she once told me her friend said she was chor lor, if you know hokkien=X so i don't really know. But is not only this look that attracts me, is just that the way she talks, her personality even made me fell deeper in love with her. Maybe we are people from different planets, one earthling and one alien. We just can't come together though very much i think i wish to. Maybe is just we need someone complimentary to what we truly are so as to compensate our weaknesses and boost our strengths. I know that i'm not very 帅，but at least i know that i've to be devoted in a relationship. In a way they made fun of it, they just insulted me i feel, if not totally then to a large extent. Looks can be deceiving people, so don't just look at a person's looks which is what the world is doing at the moment.

Maybe i should go up and talk to her or something. Hope there's really a chance sometime soon.


I hope that you will understand this one day, that I will love you till the very end because you are not just a girl to me but you are my also best friend(:

Labels: Confusion