I was quite disturbed of the news that my aunt died today.. Though we won't very close but still this is the first time someone close enough passed away.. I wasn't really sad but what bothers me the most is that i'm afraid that my father may not be able to take it. Though he always says "life still must go on" but him being strong on the outside makes me worry more. I couldn't imagine if someone close to me were to die just like that, how would i have felt. I would probably break down, whether isit my father, my mother or my friends or even her. I mean life can be so fragile, but in my opinion, i realised something even more fragile. That's human relationships. They can break at the slightest word and action.



I slashed my own wrist as shown in the above picture. Nah, i will never really do that.-.- That isn't the wrist lol. Got a cut sometime this morning i guess. Most likely during PE. Mr Wee isn't here today so we managed to play a little bit of captain's ball. Probably got cut by Wen Jun's watch or something. Looks like an exclaimation mark though, lol. Took a bus home. I saw her again. She was talking to her junior. Didn't want to upset her anymore so i didn't walk up to her. Even when i walked past her going up the bus, i took it as though i didn't recognise her. Though i ignored her but it was hurting in my heart. I know that. As i took every step away from her without even being able to say anything, it's felt as though i bled. I felt so weak, so weak.. Till the point i wanted to shed my tears over it. It's a public place so i tried to be strong for a bit, holding back everything. I dunno how long i can hold on, i'm not sure how long will it before i find another reason..I'm just not sure at all. Uncertainty is the only word to descibe my feeling right now.Just how long do i have to avoid her? Just how will i not upset her anymore. She's been the reason that i lived. Now that i lost this reason, what am i now?

The stronger you are, the harder you fall. I tried to be strong, but the stronger i am on the outside, the weaker i am on the inside, what should i do? I seriously don't know..

Labels: Uncertainty