You say that you love rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains. You say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines. You say that you love the wind, but you close your windows when wind blows. This is why I am afraid, you say that you love me too.
William Shakespeare

I don't know how to describe this long weekend. I've never have a weekend this long without myself falling sick so, I guess it's supposed to be good that I'm well and ready to go. Next week's my POP, can't say it has much significance to me except that I don't need to take an hour plus to book out now, all the damn ferry and bus trips. Who knows? I might get posted back there. Guess nothing's within my control and I shouldn't bother trying.

Friday I went out with her. I actually have a lot of things to write but somethings I guess I don't want people to read, but now I can't actually be bothered. Met at PS before we went on to play pool at the usual place. Crazy shots, those that you'd never expect to happen actually did. Went to walk around after that, PS, orchard central, 313. I think we have this thing of meeting people we actually know, only I don't really say hi to them cause I don't know what to say to them. After that we decided to go Suntec city where we had Astons. Was okay compared to the PS's. Sucks when half the chicken was burnt D: Specialty fail, the tea bag kinda broke off from the string.

Halfway thru I was thinking if love was like hot chocolate on a cold day and relationships were like tea, only good for the first time.

Sent her home as usual. Read her diary too, damn cute (: But when it was time to go, she started sobbing and sobbing. My heart ached, more than I ever felt. I just held on to her like life and wished she'd feel better. I kissed her on the forehead and I wish she knew what I meant. I was so afraid, afraid that I've done something wrong or something. I wished I knew better how to comfort people. I felt like crying too, just that I held back for the most part of it too. I don't know what army taught us, mental endurance and physical endurance. I think it's all bullshit when it comes to deep raw emotions.

I don't wanna leave, I don't wanna book in, it all made me sound like a kid just refusing get out of the toy shop. I think it's like this.. people become childish when they fall, a loss of maturity, of what's happening. I've heard too much stories that I don't want it to happen to us, like how if I were to get into SCS, I'd be going away on a 10 day field camp or a riflemen going away on field camp everyday. I'm just a normal soldier wanting to be home, by her side and just hold on tight. Life denies me of that again and again and I can't do a thing about it. I'm so fearless at the same time fearful of the day that might come.