You watch people love and people fall, but when you think of yourself, it seems you have nothing at all.

I've been watching people fall in love, see photos of people kissing, inappropriate public acts, hear love songs, but what touches me most was well, the love between LKY and his wife. Even though the probability of the news paper blowing up the whole thing was quite high, but it was quite touching just reading about it. I looked at them and I started wondering how did they held on for so long, so loving and all. People don't even hold on to a simple marriage for more than 5 years but they do, which makes me think I shouldn't marry at all. If you're not even confident of holding something, you might as well not try. The cynicism of it all.

Chapel was bad enough, not knowing how to do so many things at one time that I didn't check the settings and no one would listen when I tried to say it. I gave up after trying twice. After that was post chapel fever which no one really realises.

Teaching was so tiring, talking non-stop for 3 hours, at the same time almost vomiting blood all over the white board. But I'm glad, that it helped them, or at least they said it did, seems to me it didn't. I can't imagine teaching for the rest of my life when I died after 3 hours. These few days I've been reading up on the qualifications of a teacher and I realised all JC teachers have at least a good honours (equivalent to a first class honours/2nd upper), which translates to an average A/B+ grade for their university exams. I'm not quite sure I'd make it anymore, it seems so impossible I'd possibly do well when I'm struggling at this level. Moreover, teaching is the only route when you take up chemistry. I'm not sure about my life anymore because I insisted on taking Econs and now evidently suffering, I don't quite know what I think is good for me is really going to benefit me in the future anymore. This feeling sucks, especially when you're going to take your A levels and you don't quite have anything to take for. Well, if you're bent on teaching, then get a teaching scholarship, after all they can't stop you after you accepted the scholarship, that is if you're truly know where you're going. The ugly truth I learned of teachers is that they have to backstab each other or try to look nice for their bonuses. That is why I've come to conclude that my Econs tutor probably ends up with a grade D and gets no bonuses at the end and that's why she don't ever bother giving us consultations and goes home at like 1pm+. Seriously, she ruined our lives by doing that and I wonder what kind of heart does she have for teaching to even come into this trade in the beginning. Just go and die.

Tanu was epically friendly during consult and even though he seems so intimidating and all during classes, his actually quite nice when it comes to consults. It seems as though his more than a teacher to me, but like a friend. He asked about my results and stuff and tried to advise me on how to improve. "Talk more and in complete sentences." It's a good thing I've no problem with content but it sucks really to know it's just the way you put across certain points that made your essay a borderline pass, because you know if you had a good writing style, you probably don't have to worry so much anymore. Straight As for As indefinitely. He was so busy that my consult started when it was supposed to end and it ended 20minutes later. Hew as so nice I wished I took H2 lit but I know I'll still suffer it in anyway and it's impossible you'll ever get the same teacher for both papers. Draginis and him are damn funny characters. Halfway through the consult, Draginis asked him a question and at first he was like trying to rebut what Draginis said but he ended up agreeing. It was an entertaining hour of my life.

Sometimes, I can't help but feel sympathetic for the two girls.

"When you're face to face wit someone who's upset,
besides providing comforting words,
the best thing you can do is hug them.

The pressure of your warm body on theirs releases a hormone called oxytocin, which is associated with reduced stress levels, growth, healing, and social bonding.

In essence, touch in general reduces stress and anxiety.
When a person is touched by a loved one, centers of the brain associated with fear and danger becomes less active."

I believed in hugs, whether is it with people or with things. Obviously, if you don't have people to hug you hug things. Sometimes, when you're all depressed about things and you just run away and that's when you hug something so tightly and you feel better. I haven't hug anyone in ages.