Sometimes I feel like I was mistaken. You must be an angel.

To S.Tan: I think in the first place whether being an introvert or extrovert is a matter of choice. You choose to interact with people, even though they may not very well reciprocate but it's after all an attempt on your part to step out of your social circle. I think there are reasons I choose to keep to myself and sometimes I do feel left out but those are the times I tell myself it's okay (even though evidently everything is not) because I choose to be like this. Even though partly, it's due to the past haunting experiences of attempting to communicate with people but in the end they still did not reciprocate, I think it has a lot to do with my family too. A lack of conversations filled with concern with an interested tone and not some authoritative tone, attempting to dig out the order of your day. I do feel left out but it's a matter of choice.

I don't think stalking is something to be ashamed about(because I do it all the time), no, because as you said it's better to be in the know than not to know anything. Sometimes, I think I know too much, too much for my own good, too much to set me thinking in an incoherent and illogical manner. I don't want to think (but I have to), evidently in my arts subjects. I think it's ironic how Sci teaches us fact and answers based on theory and it's so much easier than arts because if you study, you'll get it and how art subjects require more flexibility in thinking is getting lesser recognition in today's society.

Sometimes, I bring a sweater to school not because it's cold all around because I need something to hold against my stomach, so I don't look like I'm bending down too much like I'm dying (when actually I am dying of a stomachache). On Monday, I almost went like just shut up bitch I need the toilet, but only figured out that it isn't quite appropriate to disappear in the middle of the whole inspirational talk thing. I think I'm distracted and having a little of every of those symptoms that she said, still being quite self delusional about this whole exam thing.

Teachers. CH should stop tapping on my back out of no where because (I'm so timid) I get quite creeped out when I don't quite expect anyone to be behind me and suddenly the person taps on my back. Crefield was damn awesome during lecture today because she covered one year's work in well, 1 hour. (Y). This is when I'm starting to think maybe Tanu isn't all that awesome but still his quite, funny. I stayed back today for the writing clinic thing, but realised I'm 5 minutes late and the class already started and it's full house, so I decided to not incur the wrath of Tanu and go home and just sleep. It's strange how the Lit teachers don't seem to care about the prelims at all and just kept moving on with revision.

Today, I saw you on the stage but not quite knowing what to feel for you. A sense of sympathy? Not exactly because I find you hypocritical and actually can't be bothered with what you think of me anymore. You know, I don't know what to do with people who thinks they are close to me in a certain way and yet I know right at the back of the mind I'm not close to them at all. And whenever they give me this warm greeting, I kind of don't know how to deal with myself.

I see myself changing, no longer a stranger, you gave me a reason to never die

Labels: Song