Decisions are the hardest thing to make especially when its a chance between where you should be and where you wanted to be.

I want to be carefree but I should be studying now. I should be with my class, but I'm at the balcony. Today, I went down to sit with my class for the first ever time in years. Okay, maybe exaggerated but it feels kind of weird cause it never dawn on me that I'm so distant from my class. Someone told me that she sleeps everyday before 11pm and I'm so envious sigh. I need my sleep, omg so tired D: I realised the happiest people are the people who choose to be carefree and choose to be ignorant to everything else that's happening. Maybe I ought to start sleeping early and learn to be ignorant to everything that's happening. I'm actually surprisingly slightly more cheerful around the J1s, albeit slightly crazy, it's a side of me that I haven't seen for a long time already.

Yesterday was exciting, though a bit slow moving and all. Bitchings by teacher about teachers, half my class of 26 turned up for school and only 2 of whom are guys, epic school gate guarding and massive diarrhoea across the whole level. Eka Tanu was damn cute during PCCG lolol, flaming everyone with his subtle yet sacarstic comments. He dropped his thumbdrive cover into the rostrum and subsequently ended up in an interesting conversation. I got caught for my hair by mdm tham and I was downcast for the rest of the day. I smile at her and greeted her and maybe that's why I got caught-.- Seriously, whenever I smile at people, bad things happen. Like to teachers, people and all. They ask why are you smiling. And when I don't, they'd say I'm emoing. Sigh, people are so hard to please and I don't know how to handle them anymore.

I think chasing someone whose attached is absolutely stupid. I mean firstly, you're destroying other people's happiness. Secondly, even if you did get attached soon after, the girl/guy can actually ditch someone for you, so what actually makes you think they won't do it again when you're in a relationship with them. Anw, I don't quite get what some people are thinking or doing, but if it's really happening, I should think that he/she should get themselves out of it. What's wrong with this world?

That day, I saw this stalk of rose planted near the construction site. Then I wondered the meaning of being straight. Wondered how the indian construction workers were holding hands and all. I mean it's been a pretty common site around JP already, but honestly does that mean they aren't straight? I could have a girlfriend and does it prove that I'm not a gay? Idk, people take these indicators as a landmark for certain signs and true enough, they were widely acknowledged but I don't think they are good enough to tell a person's character. Sometimes, I feel a person's character is so dark and all and you really don't see the light even between best friends, which is why I admire people who actually is very understanding and all when they found out a certain character traits of a friend.

There is actually a list of things I want to do after A levels, but I don't know I have time to fulfill them at all. Sometimes, it's so saddening that your break is so short-lived as compared to the amount of work you have to put in. 21 days of leave is all you get for working almost the whole year round. I dare not dream the impossible because I'm too realistic for my own group.

"People are retarded. They repeat the obvious just so that they could keep a conversation going."
I guess that's why I don't really see the reason to talk. I don't think repeating the same thing over and over again helps. Overtime, it becomes repetitive and all. Maybe that's why I have a very good memory for things like this. As in, I'll consciously make myself not repeat anything that i've told people before. Maybe that's why I have nothing much to say to people. Too much interior monologue, too little to say to people. This is bad. Sigh.

I'm feeling emo now, but I'm too tired to do so.
And I can't move and I can't breathe, when you're beside me.