I remembered telling someone that I'm never left quite feeling neutral and maybe today it so happened to swing more towards the negative side.

I got stabbed today, albeit not literally, but it hurts still. I hate the kind of pain people put you through, hitting on just that spot that you've been trying so hard to protect and yet so clear that that's your weakest spot, knowingly, unknowingly. There are times when you get hit and don't know what to say, leaving you speechless, because that's the truth and yet no other answer could actually redeem you.

The sound of the flute sends signals towards my brain, calling out to the excruciating pain that's been all buried for years. The kind of tone that you would play, the flashbacks, the memories and everything else. It's been a year and a half, but never the less it still reminds me of the ways we used to spend our time together. Distance doesn't matter, but all that matters was the sound of your flute calling out to me. We were never together, nevertheless, those were the more innocent moments when only happiness matters. But as time passes, I guess we're just not meant to be; the kind of pain you threw at me, the kind of rejections I've got to face, the steps I've got to pick up. That was the closest I ever got to getting attached. But, tonight, the walk outside the school was far worse, recollecting the sorrows that I went through, turning me into who I am into today, fearing of taking one wrong step, of screwing it all.

If someone wants to be in your life, they will work to be a part of it. So don’t bother saving a spot for someone who won’t make an effort to stay.

And so I kept asking myself, now that I'm trying to take a whole new step forward towards another seemingly better future, that is this person worth the fight? Sometimes.. Idk. It's like from the start, you can tell yourself that you couldn't possibly end up with her, yet as time goes by, things change, you keep falling in deeper, unconsciously, even though you started off telling yourself it's impossible between you two. And sometimes it's this totally confusing actions that are most likely due to your oversensitivity that caused so much problems. Your heart pumps, your brain refute and they fight, as though the swords clashed and the blood splatters. So, tell me are you worth the fight? Because I don't want to go on putting up a show, neither do I want to go with the flow, but I just want you to know, no matter how hard life's been to me, I've been searching for you high and low.

There are times when you stay
Stop moving in time to wait for yourself
Discern your plight only to find no way
But to let time push you till you sway

No one told you what it is like to fear
Only when you break and fall apart
Then do you let loose the tears

No one taught you lessons in life
Because life teaches you lessons instead.
You can make the same mistakes thrice
But in the end you’ll have to pay the price

Of failure.
Like a nightmare stifling you
Only to realise
you were just your own killer

Honestly, I rather kill myself than go through all this.