I think i deserve more. Much more than just frowning over stuff that i can't do anything about. I find that i've been worrying too much, like putting in too much effort for my own good. But at the end of it all, i realised, i've been constantly unhappy over it without even myself realising. I've been worried too much, about stuff that doesn't even seem close enough (ie affecting me directly). But the basic fundamental of at least being happy doesn't even seem to be what i feel when i'm at it, so what reasons do i have to continue this? How about i don't even feel comfortable talking, like sometimes, that's the case. Hold your hopes high but yet i doubt this hope could keep me afloat for long. Haven't you realised i'm getting worn out and tired and i don't know what else to do or say or .. I just don't know what. Confused, perhaps not the word to put on the top of my head, but instead often i asked myself why? Coming to a conclusion isn't easy, but still making guesses were the only things i could come up with to convince myself that i deserve much more. It's time i say "I don't care anymore.", or carry it out.

Somehow, i feel the otherwise when i'm with well, someone else. Like no stress, happy talking at a comfortable level. Or maybe even the possibility of mutual understanding and response is much higher. Much more responsive. Someone who could make me (: Truly, isn't that what i've been seeking for? My (: <3 Perhaps, this is what i deserve more, not of how i think, but how much i feel for, feel that the future holds so much so much, that i'm able to imagine what might happen if i were to even mention it..

Well, maybe at this moment there isn't any logic in the flow in the above paragraph or two because my logic juices have been entirely used up in 3 hrs of GP common exam and 2.5 hrs of zuo wen, excluding another hr of trying to understand my Lit text, which i think my efforts at trying to pass the pop quiz as much as possible is still pretty much futile. Well the truth is my results haven't been very good, ie. And i think it's time i start doing something about it. It's 7 weeks away from promos. I vaguely remember during this period of time during my Os, i was still.. complaining about how fail my SS (being my only humanity subject) is. And yet not knowing what to do with it. Perhaps the same thing is happening now, but in a much larger scale, like many more indepth subjects. Whatever the case is, i'm tired, or at least brain dead.

And it's this sudden realisation that my ipod has been filled with songs that are seemingly sad. But wells, it just comes to show how much of a life i've been leading for the past year. But it was only until recently that i realised that it's hapening. I think my sms limits are gonna exceed soon lols. And nope i'm not emo at all at this moment, just a little tired. Oh a little is an understatement. I've just learnt how to fold a heart out of straw, by stealing straws from the drink stall and staring at the youtube video for like more than 10 thousand times (of course it's exaggeration) and looking in a dumbfounded manner at the what seemingly is confusing way of folding, but still i managed to do it.

Can't help falling in love with you~
Take my Hand, my whole life too (:
Do i deserve it?

Labels: Deserve